THE TOP TEN REASONS I’M PEEVED WITH MY HUSBAND FOR LETTING OUR CHILDREN WATCH “THE WALKING DEAD” MARATHON
10. I leave the house for ONE DAY IN THE PAST FOUR YEARS and this is what you come up with?
9. I distinctly recall saying “Play Monopoly”, not “acquaint our children with the infectious flesh-eating undead”.
8. You had to start them out with a marathon? You couldn’t have tried a Zombie 5K?
7. Their usage of black and red Sharpies to make zombie faces. Sharpies are permanent markers. Now our children are permanent zombies.
6. Even when “reanimate” is adorably pronounced as “reaminate”, it still means our children are chatting about corpses springing back to life.
5. There goes our family vacation to Atlanta.
4. At their age, “CDC” should stand for “Cake, Donuts and Cookies”, not “Centers for Disease Control”.
3. The angry phone call from the school nurse when our daughter identified her boo-boo as a “walker’s bite”.
2. I don’t care if it is free, I’m not downloading the “Dead Yourself” app.
1. YOUR EARPLUGS + THEIR MIDNIGHT SCREAMS OF “ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!!”
Dusty notes: What? You haven’t Liked Earth Mother just means I’m dusty on Facebook yet? Have you taken leave of your senses? Sally forth and do so immediately or my children may sic the infectious flesh-eating undead on you.