Thanks so much for introducing our children to the Zombie Apocalypse

by Shari on January 15, 2014

THE TOP TEN REASONS I’M PEEVED WITH MY HUSBAND FOR LETTING OUR CHILDREN WATCH “THE WALKING DEAD” MARATHON

10. I leave the house for ONE DAY IN THE PAST FOUR YEARS and this is what you come up with?

9. I distinctly recall saying “Play Monopoly”, not “acquaint our children with the infectious flesh-eating undead”.

8. You had to start them out with a marathon? You couldn’t have tried a Zombie 5K?

7. Their usage of black and red Sharpies to make zombie faces. Sharpies are permanent markers. Now our children are permanent zombies.

6. Even when “reanimate” is adorably pronounced as “reaminate”, it still means our children are chatting about corpses springing back to life.

5. There goes our family vacation to Atlanta.

4. At their age, “CDC” should stand for “Cake, Donuts and Cookies”, not “Centers for Disease Control”.

3. The angry phone call from the school nurse when our daughter identified her boo-boo as a “walker’s bite”.

2. I don’t care if it is free, I’m not downloading the “Dead Yourself” app.

1. YOUR EARPLUGS + THEIR MIDNIGHT SCREAMS OF “ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!!”

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Dusty notes: What? You haven’t Liked Earth Mother just means I’m dusty on Facebook yet? Have you taken leave of your senses? Sally forth and do so immediately or my children may sic the infectious flesh-eating undead on you.

{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

Annette January 15, 2014 at 3:53 am

#7 is a personal fave. Shari, your reason for killing him would hold up in a court of law. Although, I do have cousins (in-law) who accidentally got their 4 year old hooked on the show. He was asleep on the couch, they started watching, they were engrossed and then, they realized that he was no longer sleeping, but watching wide-eyed alongside them! Oopsy.

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Shari January 15, 2014 at 4:04 am

Annette, make sure you check back for my husband’s explanation/defense comment, which is sure to come soon. Tonight he asked me how many words are spoken in a season of a tv show. I was like, “Uh, I have no idea, maybe ten thousand?” He responded with “Ten thousand words! And in ten thousand words on ‘The Walking Dead’ the word “zombie” was not used once! Isn’t that impressive?”

Mmmm-hmmmm.

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Darrin January 15, 2014 at 2:14 pm

“Enter Husband’s Name” ….lay there like a slug! It was his only defense!

pretty much the only thing your glorious husband can do!

though please thank him because this will be brought up at our up coming fantasy baseball draft!!!!

the full quote from a movie that I hope you can figure out is….”Randy lay there like a slug! It was his only defense!”

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Shari January 15, 2014 at 2:16 pm

That’s “A Christmas Story”, of course. And yes, my husband is glorious!

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Jenn @ Something Clever 2.0 January 15, 2014 at 3:21 pm

My almost-5yo can’t wait to watch TWD. He wants to be a SFX makeup artist when he grows up. He actually tears pictures from TWD out of my Entertainment Weekly to hang on his wall. I’m thinking maybe when he’s twelve? What’s your expert opinion?

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Shari January 15, 2014 at 3:49 pm

No!! No!! No!!

:-)

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alexandra January 16, 2014 at 4:01 pm

OMG. This has to be ONE OF THE FUNNIEST. Shari, I peed in my pants and I”m going to read it again. You are so funny.

Anyway, on to the gravity of the situation: I can’t believe it. Oh, yes, wait, I CAN. My kids ran up to me after I came late one night from grocery shopping. “Mommy! we saw a cartoon but it was unsettling. The Simpsons.” Husband’s explanation “You didn’t tell me cartoons were off limits.” *all mine, ladies*

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dusty earth mother January 16, 2014 at 7:07 pm

Ha! Yes, he’s all yours, dear. Just as my darling, who keeps maintaining that “The Walking Dead” helps him forget his troubles, is aaallllllll mine.

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Tracey January 16, 2014 at 4:12 pm

I’m one of those moms who thinks they should be exposed to “scary” stuff early on so that they don’t build it up to be worse than it really is. Also, I’m lazy and want to watch The Walking Dead on the big screen so…yeah. My daughter has dressed as a zombie for 2 years in a row for Halloween.

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dusty earth mother January 16, 2014 at 7:09 pm

Well, maybe you can help me with Sharpie removal then, Tracey.

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Kathy Radigan January 17, 2014 at 1:44 am

I’m not sure what scares me more walking zombies or kids walking around with sharpies. No, on second thought I’m more afraid of kids walking around with sharpies!

Your post reminded me of the time my friend called me wanting to kill her husband because she went out for a rare afternoon only to come back with her 7, 4 and 3 year old watching Jaws with their dad! Lol! Great post!!

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dusty earth mother January 17, 2014 at 2:51 am

Ha! This makes me think of seeing Jaws as a kid and the severed head popping into the hole in the boat. Which is something I won’t be sharing with my children anytime soon. I’ll let my husband do it while I’m out at the grocery store.

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