“Why Too Much Screen Time Will Kill You” by Dusty’s daughter

by Shari on November 11, 2013

Occasionally, you get the experience of seeing how your parental words/actions translate in a small person’s mind.

Like the tale “Good Luck Bella” my daughter wrote today on her storytelling app.

A few thoughts.

1. I guess I do say “stop playing on the computer” a lot. But I have never done so while sweeping and wearing a babushka.

2. At least she felt guilty about chopping off their heads.

3. There is not nearly enough Father-blame in this story.

4. Did you catch that line: “Oh mom I should have listened to you” ? I’m just going to pretend that’s the moral of the story.

 

 

{ 60 comments… read them below or add one }

Kristin @ Keenly Kristin November 11, 2013 at 2:16 pm

I didn’t want to get all nit-picky but I was about to email you to see if you were OK and maybe needed some neurological testing, as your grammar and punctuation was a tad…”off,” shall we say, from your usual effort. Then I read the post in full, and saw that a child wrote it. Then I questioned if I was OK, since as soon as I saw a cartoon, I was distracted like a kitten with a string and totally ignored the opening sentences.

Long story short, I still love you. And now I love your daughter. Her cartoon depiction of you is simply captivating. You look like you work your fingers to the bone night and day. Of course, your depiction also conjures up images of getting your milk from a goat and eating lots of potatoes and turnips. :)

XOXO

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Shari November 11, 2013 at 2:49 pm

I know, Kristin, what is it about a cartoon that is so… SQUIRREL! Thank you for loving me even though I am obviously raising children that are misinterpreting my messages.

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Jenn @ Something Clever 2.0 November 11, 2013 at 3:06 pm

I like the part where she colors her hair pink. :)

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Shari November 11, 2013 at 3:09 pm

I think she might be your daughter, Jenn.

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Anna November 11, 2013 at 3:09 pm

I like any story with dinosaurs. And obviously the should’ve listened to mom part is totally the moral of the story.

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Shari November 11, 2013 at 3:19 pm

Thank you for understanding, Anna.

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stacy November 11, 2013 at 3:23 pm

That was awesome, definitely “listen to hardworking mom” is moral of story other morals include, when all else fails, dye hair pink and ride off on dinosaurs. Also another observation, moms dress way better postmortem. :) Additionally, I like that random shoe in the first shot, did she get it at zappos.com ? :)

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Shari November 11, 2013 at 3:51 pm

I love this entire comment, Stacy. I also admired my “dead” outfit.

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Ann November 11, 2013 at 5:53 pm

I have a new favorite author.

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Shari November 11, 2013 at 6:29 pm

I know, right? She’s gifted.

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Annie @ PhD in Parenting November 11, 2013 at 6:06 pm

That is hilarious! Which app did you use? I may have to tell my children about it, so that they can get excited about it and then I can take the ipad away from them. :)

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Shari November 11, 2013 at 6:29 pm

For those who want to torture themselves, the app is called “Picturebook”.

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Nancy Davis Kho November 11, 2013 at 6:12 pm

Personally, I like the midstream hair makeover. Because what puts you more into a frame of mind for positive change after a murder spree than a new ‘do? Not to mention the punk rock name change. “Why and Bother.”

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Shari November 11, 2013 at 6:30 pm

I agree, Nancy.

Love,

No and Way

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Suzy Soro (@HotComesToDie) November 11, 2013 at 6:14 pm

“You didn’t kill them they all had cancer.”

MUCH cheerier story than beheadings!

Hilarious.

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Shari November 11, 2013 at 6:31 pm

I’m so glad she didn’t kill them, it was just evil, rampant cells in the body.

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Jessica November 11, 2013 at 6:37 pm

This is the best, I can only hope my kids create such a loving story about me in the next few years. (making sure my babushka is on straight)

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Shari November 11, 2013 at 7:02 pm

At least my continual “too much screen time will turn your brains to oatmeal” message is getting through. And she’s taking it and running with it, obviously.

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hokgardner November 11, 2013 at 6:53 pm

“she changed her name to why and bother” is the best line.

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Shari November 11, 2013 at 7:02 pm

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the kid is an evil genius.

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Carisa Miller: Do you read me? November 11, 2013 at 7:11 pm

I smell a screenplay. This is awesomeness. Have you ever, by chance, been standing next to a guillotine while requesting she power down?

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Shari November 11, 2013 at 7:16 pm

That made me laugh, Carisa. And no, I keep my guillotine in the basement and only bring it out for more French-ish offenses.

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Wendi November 11, 2013 at 7:16 pm

She’s going to get a book deal before me and I WON’T EVEN CARE. This is brilliant.

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Shari November 11, 2013 at 7:19 pm

I feel exactly the same way. I will gladly be the Theo to her Vincent.

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Susan@The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva November 11, 2013 at 7:41 pm

I hope this is the first in a series of books! And she had me at changing her name to “why and bother.”

Too funny!

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Shari November 11, 2013 at 8:40 pm

I hope to ply her into more of these books. But with better outfits for Mommy.

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Marinka November 11, 2013 at 8:13 pm

This may be the best thing I ever read. On the computer.

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Shari November 11, 2013 at 8:41 pm

Yes. I would try to find something better, but really, Why and Bother?

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Tarja November 11, 2013 at 9:21 pm

A few thoughts on this amazing piece of literature:
1. I love that the shoe represents the computer.
2. The jungle seems pretty fun.
3. I’m digging the title’s sarcasm. Unless it’s sincere and then it’s adorable.

Can’t wait to read her next one (Bestseller and List)!

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Shari November 11, 2013 at 9:38 pm

Knowing my child, it’s sarcastic. Like, “yeah, good luck with that, whatever”.

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Bethany November 11, 2013 at 10:01 pm

I must thank the computer for bringing this tale to my life. Other than that, it’s been a pretty worthless endeavor having access to the world at my fingertips. Now, after reading this…the computer has redeemed its sorry self.

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Shari November 11, 2013 at 10:24 pm

High praise, indeed, Bethany. I’m happy to have birthed the spawn that birthed this story.

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Liz @ PeaceLoveGuac November 11, 2013 at 11:19 pm

The moral of the story is that you need to adopt two new pugs and name them Why and Bother.

So so funny, Shari.

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Shari November 12, 2013 at 2:59 am

Great idea, Liz! *texting husband*

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Allison Hart November 11, 2013 at 11:46 pm

If this was written in my house, it would really be a reverse morality tale aimed at me for spending too much time on the computer. In fact, I felt a little attacked the entire time I read it. C’mon, Bella, I may not be the best mom but I haven’t freaking beheaded anyone for goodness’ sake! But then I looked closer. My computer doesn’t have high heels, so now I know it’s not about me. Phew.

You’re doing a good job. Your daughter knows that cutting off the heads of one’s children falls squarely in the “mean mom” camp. If you manage to also teach her “please” and to chew with her mouth closed, job well done.

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Shari November 12, 2013 at 3:00 am

I like your criteria, Allison.

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Suburban Snapshots November 12, 2013 at 12:43 pm

No way.

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Shari November 12, 2013 at 2:07 pm

Way.

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Amy - Funny is Family November 13, 2013 at 9:26 pm

I immediately wanted to get this app for my son, but then I remembered that one of the first thing he penned with his new writing skills was “I hate mom,” so I’m not sure I’m ready for his tales.

Your daughter is brilliant, and that T rex looks ready to party.

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dusty earth mother November 14, 2013 at 12:00 am

Oh I know, Amy, it’s seriously terrifying. Gird your loins.

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Amanda November 13, 2013 at 9:27 pm

I laughed so hard! The stories and the comments! Priceless!!!

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dusty earth mother November 14, 2013 at 12:01 am

I’m glad you enjoyed my suffering, Amanda.

:-)

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Amanda November 14, 2013 at 1:37 am

I’d like to purchase this as a bed time story for my own child lol. I can’t wait for her to be old enough to come up with her own witty stories lol

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Justine November 13, 2013 at 9:31 pm

At least her husband leaving her was a very small part of the story. She can move on and be happy with dinosaurs. You have taught her independence! Good job!!

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dusty earth mother November 14, 2013 at 12:03 am

Let’s face it, dinosaur love is safer.

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Leigh Ann November 13, 2013 at 9:49 pm

I wish I still wrote like a kid. You know before we all overthought everything?

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dusty earth mother November 14, 2013 at 12:05 am

There is a certain terrible beauty to it. However if you start writing about dead floating moms, people might talk.

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Shannon Lell November 13, 2013 at 10:06 pm

Definitely not enough father-blame. Perhaps, as her mom, and clearly her new agent and editor, you could suggest some appropriate edits? Your daughter has mad skillz!

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dusty earth mother November 14, 2013 at 12:07 am

I’m going to insert a section where the Dad whacks her with an iPad.

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Robyn - Hollow Tree Ventures November 14, 2013 at 12:40 am

I need this in hardback immediately. The end.

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dusty earth mother November 14, 2013 at 12:54 am

What do you think, Robyn–should I self-publish?

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Alexandra November 14, 2013 at 1:22 am

Have to say so many things but I think my favorite part is how all is forgiven. That’s a priceless message.

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dusty earth mother November 14, 2013 at 1:29 am

I agree. Slightly marred by the entire family dying of cancer, but still lovely.

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Michelle November 15, 2013 at 2:33 am

Haha.. Your daughter has a wild imagination. I love every part of the story. Her storytelling is also very ‘now’. Like all movies/tv shows lately, everyone dies in the end!

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Shari November 15, 2013 at 1:58 pm

Thanks, Michelle–she definitely is a “now” child.

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James Christian Jr November 21, 2013 at 1:34 am

I would TOTALLY buy the next book!!

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dusty earth mother November 21, 2013 at 4:09 pm

Will let you know when Simon and Schuster signs her, James.

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Amanda November 26, 2013 at 12:55 pm

So, will there be more stories? This was wickedly delicious.

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Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes November 26, 2013 at 7:50 pm

Oh this is a must have on the Christmas book wish list!

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Lady Jennie December 5, 2013 at 4:51 pm

This? Is beyond hilarious. I mean, I know I’m weeks behind on reading, but this makes up for it all.

You have genius, hilarious children.

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