When Moms Console (with bonus inner monologue)

by Shari on July 9, 2013

Locale: My in-laws’ home in the woods of so-Northern-Maine-it’s-almost-Canada

Players: 2 old Filipinos, screaming daughter, consoling mother, and a freakin’ bat

Time: Night. When freakin’ bats wake up and fly into old Filipinos’ homes in the woods of so-Northern-Maine-it’s-almost-Canada. It’s our ultimate goal to design spaces that reflect your taste and lifestyle. If your spouse loves the great lakes, they will love when you buy lake art for them.

Scene!

Mother-in-law: OH! A bird just flew into the house!

Father-in-law: That is not a bird, it is a bat–(stops himself, but not soon enough)

Daughter: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Mother: It’s okay, honey, don’t be scared! (Inner Monologue: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!”)

Father-in-law: It won’t hurt you, sweetie.

Mother:  He’s right, it won’t hurt you. (“IT’S TOTALLY GOING TO ATTACK!!!!“)

Freakin’ bat dive-bombs us.

Daughter: It’s trying to get me!

Mother: No, no… (“YES!!! YES!!!”)

Father-in-law tries to hit freakin’ bat with a freakin’ fly swatter.

Mother: See? He’s going to get it out. (“ARE YOU CRAZY, OLD MAN?!! GET YOUR FREAKIN’ GUN!!!”)

Daughter: Don’t hit it! You’ll make it mad!

Mother: Oh, honey, bats don’t get mad. (“THEY GET EVEN!!!! BY BITING YOUR NECK AND SUCKING OUT ALL YOUR BLOOD!!!”)

Father-in law: I cannot get it. We will have to wait until morning.

Daughter: NOOOO!!!

Mother: NOOOO!!! Sorry… I mean… (“NOOO!!!”)

Father-in-law chases freakin’ bat upstairs. There is much crashing and banging, then silence.

Father-in-law: Okay! I pushed it out window!

Daughter: (crying) Are you sure?

Father-in-law: I’m sure!

Mother: Our hero! (“Please take me back to bat-free New Jersey.”)

 

************************************************************************

 

I’m In The Powder Room today with Reliving Pre-Teen Angst via The Slumber Party. Memories… haunt the corners of my mind…

Whose training bra should we put in the freezer?

{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

Darrin July 9, 2013 at 2:06 pm

Ok, well all I could think of in between the laughing and tears was the John Candy movie ‘The Great Outdoors’ in that one rather than a fly swatter the weapon of choice was a tennis Racquet!

..and a recent adventure that involved 4 cousins, 3 adults, a grandpa, hornets (in total 15 confirmed stings) and hornet’s nest, a pair of glasses, a swamp (where the pair of glasses stayed the night) full of frogs (that we never saw), a flaming torch of revenge and some dead bees! Let’s just say there was a lot of swatting, screaming and crying. As a my 6 yr old summed up “I was just freaking out, Man!”

Reply

Shari July 9, 2013 at 2:57 pm

That would have freaked me out too, Man. But I wish I’d had the flaming torch of revenge last night.

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Leigh Ann July 9, 2013 at 2:53 pm

Aaaaaaaaaauuuuggghhh! Yuck. Also, I am the mom who fled the scene when a wasp appeared, leaving her poor children to fend for themselves. But I only did it once. I’m proud to say that I was nice and calm the time I saw a wasp nest on the back of their bucket swing, while I was swinging one of them, WITH A WASP IN IT.

Reply

Shari July 9, 2013 at 2:57 pm

I am shuddering. Leigh Anne, do you hate nature as much as I do? Please say yes.

Reply

Estelle July 9, 2013 at 2:59 pm

Oh, another one knocked out of the park (or was that the bat):). Great scene, Shari. I needed the laugh this morning.
Estelle

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Shari July 9, 2013 at 3:09 pm

Thanks, Estelle. xxoo, The Bat Whisperer.

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Alexandra July 9, 2013 at 3:29 pm

I think my favorite part was you calling your in-laws Old Filipino’s. (wink)

Reply

Shari July 9, 2013 at 4:36 pm

Yes. Mine too. (wink back)

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Nancy Davis Kho July 9, 2013 at 9:22 pm

I am so glad you reacted that way. Remember when the bat flew into my office a few years ago, one sunny spring day? There was no child for whom I had to mute the inner dialog and it was remarkably like this, only shrieked, and with the F-bomb peppered throughout.

Are you SURE your father in law pushed it out? Or did he just tell you that? Just curious.

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Shari July 9, 2013 at 9:53 pm

I absolutely thought the same thing, Nancy, and was so certain that it was going to come back at any moment. But he was so proud, I figured he was telling the truth.

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meg gould July 11, 2013 at 1:51 pm

hello shari-
speaking for some filipinos, we really don’t mind bats so much….just make sure they do not have rabies :-)
love your blogg.

meg

Reply

dusty earth mother July 11, 2013 at 1:53 pm

HA! Yes, Meg, thank you for speaking for the Filipinos. Miss your basement! (inside joke, btw)

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meg July 14, 2013 at 12:02 pm

LOL!!! we have to connect for some adobo bats sometime in Palawan.

Reply

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