Driving Tips for the Middle of Nowhere

by Shari on July 19, 2013

I’ve discovered a few things during my time in Maine.

Yes, yes, we already know that a swooping bat can be dominated by a 75-year old man with a flyswatter.

But beyond that obvious moral lesson, here are a few other bits to gnaw on:

1. When you are driving on a one-lane mountain road, you will go for miles without seeing another car; until you have to take a hairpin turn and then there will always be a Mack truck with a double wide trailer transporting something flammable coming at you around the bend.

2. The insect repellent that can drive off Maine mosquitoes and black flies has not yet been invented and whoever comes up with it will earn many dollars and the ire of those little winged Satans.

3. Last summer I wrote about the scary little gray shack we’ve been passing for the past ten years on our trips through Maine. Completely run-down, ancient, seemingly uninhabited with one tiny window like an evil eye, but with a hand-written sign out front that said “Pizza”. Last year, the sign changed to “Ice Cream”. This year? “Dollhouses”. I kid you not. Dollhouses. Perhaps they would custom build one for my American Girl doll, Lizzie Borden.

4. People in Maine recycle everything. I’m pretty sure my in-laws’ house was once 30,000 copies of The Maine Gazette.

Our time here is drawing to a close and the next stop on the Dusty Summertime Far-Flung Relatives Tour is Mama Rose’s house in Indiana. So be looking out for “Crap at My Mother’s House, Volume 3″.

And in the meantime, I think I must insist that you dash over to In The Powder Room to read Gift Ideas for a Lotus Birth. Don’t know what a Lotus Birth is? Oh, you will soon, my friends. I don’t want to spoil anything, but it involves clever costumes for a placenta. Mmm-hmmm.

 

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Anna Lefler July 19, 2013 at 2:27 pm

Okay, I haven’t even seen the “dollhouses” house and I’m terrified.

Happy summer – and happy travels – to you!

XOXO
Anna

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Shari July 19, 2013 at 2:35 pm

It really is terrifying, Anna. I think I need to write a short story about it, but then I’d have to imagine what is going on inside.

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Nancy Davis Kho July 20, 2013 at 7:24 pm

I keep meaning to tell you that you traumatized me so badly with the Lotus Birth post that I screamed and haven’t come back to the computer since. Why, Dusty Earth Mother? WHY?

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dusty earth mother July 22, 2013 at 7:50 pm

Because I love you, of course.

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