WWWWD? (What Would Willy Wonka Do?)

by Shari on May 22, 2013

“So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it. Thank you.” –Gene Wilder, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

I had a mad crush on Gene Wilder as a kid and one of the main reasons was his outrageously fun performance in this 1971 classic. (Don’t even talk to me about the remake, blecch blah yucky poo). I recently introduced my kids to this film and thank goodness they are as obsessed with it as I was, otherwise we might have to have a conversation about them continuing as my children.

And so today, I think about the wise, crafty, sly, creative, melodic, hilarious, evenly-paced Wonka as I try to catch you up on the insane amount of stuff that’s been going on.

First of all, just a random thought: who decided that this was a good idea?

Hi! My name is Brian, but you can just call me “Freakin’ Creepy”!

I went with my daughter’s Girl Scout Troop to the Great Wolf Lodge water park (you’ll hear about that soon), but in the lobby they do something called The Great Clock Tower Story. I have no memory of the Story, or of the Great Clock Tower, because I was so completely terrified by this evil sprite popping up out of a hollowed-out log. Way to give the kiddies (and their troop leader) nightmares, people.

Also, this?

This is just so many kinds of wrong. This is beyond the kind of wrong that is so wrong that it’s right. Skip right over right and go right to wrong.

So… you may have noticed that I haven’t been writing as much lately. I hope you can forgive me and I hope you can understand the siren call of being paid to write. Yes, in cash money.

You know that I’m the editor of Mommy Poppins New Jersey and that I write for Cool Mom Picks and I have a weekly column at the wonderful In The Powder Room (are you getting tired? I’m getting tired), but I actually have a new gig that I’m super excited about: I’ve started writing for NickMom and my first piece is there today, called “Top 9 Signs That You Might Be Overcaffeinated“. (Of course I did not write this from first-hand experience or anything, but I have, uh, friends that drink a lot of coffee. And tea. And Wild Cherry Diet Pepsi. And 5 Hour Energy Shots. And Excedrin Migraine with 65 milligrams of caffeine and trace amount of barbituates.)

And yes, it’s utter madness to be doing this much, but I’ll be honest with you about something. My family is going through a hard time right now and even though I don’t paid a whole lotta cash money for each job, you put it all together and it’s not too bad. “But, Dusty” you say, “you just had a fabulous vacation at the Great Wolf Lodge water park with demented plastic children popping out of stumps, how poor can you be?” Well, truth be told, that fancypants holiday was purchased by Thin Mints and DoSiDo’s, paid for by the blood, sweat and tears of little girls hawking baked goods; not a dime came out of my pocket, which is a good thing since I need to save up for therapy to recover from:

Hi! My name is Brian, but you can just call me “Devil’s Teat”!

And so, my dear readers, I hope you can forgive me for flitting about and I hope you love me enough to give that extra click-through, because Lord knows, these jobs are keeping my family in bacon hot dogs. And remember, in the words of my beloved Willy Wonka, “Invention is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation and 2% butterscotch ripple.”

Yes, that’s 105%. And that’s what’s necessary right now.



Today I’m over at In The Powder Room with The Bra That Knew Too Much and at NickMom with “Top 9 Signs That You Might Be Overcaffeinated“. I’m drinking a Red Bull to celebrate.

{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

Darrin May 22, 2013 at 1:28 pm

On the subject of BaconDogs…I believe this falls squarely in your favorite Willy Wonka words “Invention is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation and 2% butterscotch ripple.” . . . How could that be wrong!

by the way I believe Scientific Discovery is also “93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation and 2% butterscotch ripple.”


Shari May 22, 2013 at 1:59 pm

You may be right. No. You’re wrong. But not as wrong as bacon dogs.


Ann May 22, 2013 at 3:10 pm

I’m still baffled by the words “crush” and “Gene Wilder” in the same sentence.

I love you Shari. You are so freakin’ funny.


Shari May 23, 2013 at 12:39 am

I love you too, Ann, but Gene Wilder? Soooo cute. Really. I love the weird brainy types.


Trickiewoo May 22, 2013 at 4:12 pm

So conflicted about those bacon hot dogs.


Shari May 23, 2013 at 12:39 am

I knew you would be.


Shannon May 22, 2013 at 5:52 pm

You are the very first person I have ever heard of having a crush on Gene Wilder.
And bacon hot dogs? I’m pretty sure the pigs will be going on strike soon.


Shari May 23, 2013 at 12:40 am

I always had strange crushes, Shannon. When the other 9-year old girls liked David Cassidy and Shawn Cassidy, I was in love with Dick Van Dyke.


Kristin May 23, 2013 at 1:56 am

Your potential birthday present is awesome. *sigh* But if I don’t hear from you…


dusty earth mother May 23, 2013 at 11:10 pm

Did you get my email???


Lady Jennie May 23, 2013 at 5:31 pm

Okay, I’ll keep you in the money Shar. What are friends for? :-)


dusty earth mother May 23, 2013 at 11:11 pm

You’re the best, Lady Jennie. But euros ain’t no good here.


Anna Lefler May 24, 2013 at 12:55 pm

It’s like this POST is stuffed with bacon-y awesomeness!

Cheers on all your wonderful projects, Shari! Rock on…



Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes May 27, 2013 at 8:13 pm

I’ll forgive you anything, except that .. eh.. doll… thingy… creepy… face… please don’t post that again.


dusty earth mother May 28, 2013 at 7:24 pm

I actually already mailed it to you, Tinne. So when you see that big box from Amazon…


Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom May 28, 2013 at 8:37 pm

Congratulations on the new gig Shari! I’ve always wanted to check out Great Wolf Lodge, but now I’m afraid I’ll run into the stumpy plastic demon child. I’ll have to just face my fears. I was always obsessed with Willy Wonka too and it’s our favorite of the versions for sure. “We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams…” And… “the shnozberries taste like shnozberries.” Classic!


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