What: Memorial service for Chandy (a.k.a. Chandelier Jackson Cabelin, a.k.a. Pretty Girl, a.k.a. Pain in the Butt)
Where: At our house in Hoboken. In the back yard. Because she’s buried in the back yard. Did I mention that she was buried in the back yard? Did I also mention that our backyard is about 14 square feet and she’s taking up about 7 of that?
When: Today at 11:30 a.m. Brunch will be served. Contrary to rumors, we will not be replacing the bacon with Beggin’ Strips.
Why: Because we loved her so much. And because we’re pretty certain that she’s haunting us, because we keep finding mysterious pools of urine in the middle of the floor and Schilling is sound asleep on the couch. We think her spirit may be trapped on earth because her dog food is still in the cupboard, so we’re going to do a ceremonial burying of her kibble on the grave site.
What music will be played: Her favorite song, “Reflection” from Mulan. She would frequently sing it in the house, “Who is that pug I see, staring straight back at me…” It was very moving.
What parts of the above invitation are true: All of it. We’ll be here at 11:30 a.m. I hope you will, too.
In other non-dog-death related news, I now have a weekly column on In The Powder Room! Very exciting, especially since I hear they refill the toilet paper dispensers and clean the toiletable for you. Come on over and read my first post, When Guest Beds Attack, which is obviously a profound dissertation on visiting relatives at Christmastime.