Ten Reasons Why You Should Be Glad That I Didn’t Blog in my 20s

10. Because there would have been a lot of photos that looked like this:

You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me with my puffy shirt and my one devil eye?

9. I was in my 20s during a time when no one had home computers. So I would have been writing my posts in a spiral notebook, coming over to your houses individually and forcing you to write nice comments about me on the bottom of the page.

8. I wore so much Electric Youth by Debbie Gibson you would have been able to smell me through the computer.

7. I spent my 20s attempting to acclimate my chemically-sensitive body to caffeine. Thus, most of my posts would have looked like this:

HEY HEY YOU YEAH YOU DID YOU KNOW THAT I’M GOING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD NO YOU DIDN’T WELL YES I AM SO THERE SUCKERS WORD WORD WORD UP I PITY THE FOOL WHO TRIES TO STOP ME WHERE’S THE BEEF RIGHT HERE BABY RIGHT HERE………………………………………. mmmmmffff ……………………………… ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ………….. why are you reading my blog it’s crap go read someone who has a clue sob don’t leave nice comments i can’t take it the divergence between your high opinion of me and the reality of my worthlessness is too great go read Dooce even though she’s like 12 years old right now and leave me leave me leave…….. me…….. alone…….

6. You think I’m an oversharer now? Puh-leeze. Amateur.

5. Because there would have been a lot of photos that looked like this:

Sorry, didn’t catch that, where are you from?

4. Having missed out on this pleasure in middle school, I had braces on my teeth for three years in my 20s. Here are some of the blog titles that you would have seen:

Are Those Clear Braces or Did You Just Eat Corn on the Cob?

Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Wear Braces In Their 20s

Hit Me With Your Best Shot From A WaterPik, Baby

This Coffee Stuff is Awesome Even If I Do Have to Drink It Through a Straw

Ligatures And My Love Life

3. In my 20s I was obsessed with getting breast implants and probably would have put a PayPal button on my blog sidebar to accept donations.

2. In my 20s I did not have pugs so there goes 90% of my material.

1. And the #1 reason you should be glad that I didn’t blog in my 20s is because I was trying to convince the world that I was and always had been cool and so you would have missed out on this:

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This post is part of a Blog Hop with some of the funniest women writers you will find in the blogosphere, so now go and check out their “Ten Reasons Why You Should Be Glad That I Didn’t Blog in my 20s”!!!