Super fun things to look forward to when I turn 50

by Shari on January 16, 2013

Dudes, it is 2013. I was born in 1963. Do the math.

So as I approach my half-century mark, not only are there super fun things to look forward to like osteoporosis, but I just found out about yet another groovy condition for the over-50 crowd.

Exploding Head Syndrome.

Yes.

Oy, I have such an exploding headache.

Exploding Head Syndrome is a condition where you suddenly experience an abnormally loud noise (likened to an explosion, roar, gunshot, a door slamming or voices screaming) coming from inside your own head while sleeping.

Coming from inside your own head while you’re sleeping.

Apparently, it’s not enough that there will be doors slamming in real life as my children progress into their teen years, but there may also be doors slamming while everyone in the house is asleep, myself included.

Of course, I may be lucky and just get wild jungle animals roaring or detonated TNT in my brain.

Or voices screaming. And what might they be screaming, I wonder?

“YOU’RE FIFTY!”

“YOU’RE FIFTY AND YOUR HEAD IS EXPLODING!”

“TIME TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT FOR A COLONOSCOPY!”

“AARP HAS VERY REASONABLE RATES ON LIFE INSURANCE!”

“YOU DON’T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RETINOL AND ALPHA HYDROXY?!”

“YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TAKEN THAT MONEY OUT OF YOUR 401(K)!”

“ARE THERE ANY COOL-LOOKING NECK CHAINS FOR READING GLASSES?!”

“LARRY THE CABLE GUY IS ALSO TURNING 50 THIS YEAR!”

“BUT SO IS JOHNNY DEPP!”

“THIS IS THE YEAR TO STOP GOOGLING ‘WEIRD DISEASES’!”

****************

Hey, if the voices in your head are screaming “More Dusty!” head on over to In The Powder Room where I take on the topic of mothers who appear to be heating up their glue guns to make their kid’s school project for them in Judge Not (Especially Not Other Breeders).

 

 

photo credit: dbking via photopin cc

 

{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }

Darrin January 16, 2013 at 2:17 pm

Again you have topped yourself! Where do I start to explain how this made me laugh…there are multiple levels for which hours of therapy will not decipher.

I do have two comments (that you can look forward to) for:

“TIME TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT FOR A COLONOSCOPY!”

1- You will never feel as clean inside (physically) as you will the moment you wake up from the procedure!

2- You should get yourself on a scale before eating anything as you will never weigh as little as you do the moment you wake up from the procedure!

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Shari January 16, 2013 at 3:29 pm

Oh, Darrin, thank you so much for those mental images. They are doing my 49 & 1/2 year old brain good.

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Carlito January 16, 2013 at 3:20 pm

dude…colonoscopy!? we’ve much to catch up on. whao, I’m typing up discussion notes chatting online about said topic. I too am getting aged as recently I’ve uttered the, “washed up at 42″ phrase midlife crisis yelp!

the picture does scream “agh” where’d time go?!?

two dude comments in row for a blog, has to be a unique streak.

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Shari January 16, 2013 at 3:30 pm

Two dude comments in a row. Very gratifying.

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Cindi Hartman January 16, 2013 at 5:01 pm

Re: “ARE THERE ANY COOL-LOOKING NECK CHAINS FOR READING GLASSES?!”

Let me know if you find any. ;)

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Shari January 16, 2013 at 11:59 pm

I will, Cindi. So far it’s “NO THEY’RE ALL LAME!”

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kathryn Stamas January 16, 2013 at 6:15 pm

So sad…as one who is there as of 2 days ago, the reminder of ‘it’s time to get a colonoscopy’ sits on my refridgerator under the ‘crazy cat lady’ magnet………..

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Shari January 17, 2013 at 12:00 am

Oh… Kathryn…

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Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes January 16, 2013 at 8:17 pm

I’m sending this to my mom. She is turning 65 this Sunday. I guess I’ll just remind her she is way overdue for a colonoscopy.

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Shari January 17, 2013 at 12:02 am

Lose the capitals, though, Tinne; we don’t want to freak her out.

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Nancy Davis Kho January 16, 2013 at 8:37 pm

Are you totally sure your husband isn’t pranking you with the loud noises? Just based on what I’ve read about him…it seems plausible.

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Shari January 17, 2013 at 2:24 am

Entirely possible. He talks in his sleep. Like long, drawn-out conversations. Once he even was clapping and singing in his sleep. Nighttime is very entertaining around our house.

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Trickiewoo January 17, 2013 at 2:25 pm

That’s what I miss from my youth, not having to think about colonoscopies and remembering if I took my calcium supplement. I was blissfully oblivious to all of it.

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dusty earth mother January 17, 2013 at 4:26 pm

Yes, but think of all the wisdom you’ve gained throughout the years. Prayerfully. :-)

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Lady Jennie January 17, 2013 at 7:07 pm

This was very funny Shari (she says primly just before her own head detonates).

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dusty earth mother January 18, 2013 at 3:56 pm

I will miss you, LJ.

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the mama bird diaries January 18, 2013 at 2:32 am

you are so insanely gorgeous that it doesn’t matter how old you are. This is a real syndrome?! I thought it was a syndrome that I made up when all my kids are driving me crazy.

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dusty earth mother January 18, 2013 at 3:58 pm

This is completely real, Kelcey, and it happens with over-50′s and mothers with 4 and 3/4 children.

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Anna Lefler January 18, 2013 at 3:03 pm

Did you just say “colonoscopy?”

*dives under bed but is careful not to leave butt sticking out*

XOXO

A.

P.S. My head is exploding with laughter from this post.

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dusty earth mother January 18, 2013 at 4:08 pm

Tuck that heinie in, lady.

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Sharona Zee January 19, 2013 at 4:48 am

start saying “early fifties” now, and keep saying it for about 15 years. That’s what I’m doing. How old am I? In my early fifties :)
(but I have the colon of a much younger girl)

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Shari January 29, 2013 at 4:45 pm

I’ve often admired your colon, Sharona. From afar, of course.

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One Funny Motha January 25, 2013 at 4:38 pm

Holy cow this is a real thing? Life is grand isn’t?

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Shari January 29, 2013 at 4:46 pm

Grand. Yes. That’s a good word. Shouted from inside your exploding head.

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Debbie McCormick January 27, 2013 at 6:45 pm

As a fellow 1963 baby, I say AMEN!

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Shari January 29, 2013 at 4:47 pm

Yeah, Debbie!! ‘Twas a good year.

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