Dudes, it is 2013. I was born in 1963. Do the math.
So as I approach my half-century mark, not only are there super fun things to look forward to like osteoporosis, but I just found out about yet another groovy condition for the over-50 crowd.
Exploding Head Syndrome.
Yes.
Oy, I have such an exploding headache.
Exploding Head Syndrome is a condition where you suddenly experience an abnormally loud noise (likened to an explosion, roar, gunshot, a door slamming or voices screaming) coming from inside your own head while sleeping.
Coming from inside your own head while you’re sleeping.
Apparently, it’s not enough that there will be doors slamming in real life as my children progress into their teen years, but there may also be doors slamming while everyone in the house is asleep, myself included.
Of course, I may be lucky and just get wild jungle animals roaring or detonated TNT in my brain.
Or voices screaming. And what might they be screaming, I wonder?
“YOU’RE FIFTY!”
“YOU’RE FIFTY AND YOUR HEAD IS EXPLODING!”
“TIME TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT FOR A COLONOSCOPY!”
“AARP HAS VERY REASONABLE RATES ON LIFE INSURANCE!”
“YOU DON’T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RETINOL AND ALPHA HYDROXY?!”
“YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TAKEN THAT MONEY OUT OF YOUR 401(K)!”
“ARE THERE ANY COOL-LOOKING NECK CHAINS FOR READING GLASSES?!”
“LARRY THE CABLE GUY IS ALSO TURNING 50 THIS YEAR!”
“BUT SO IS JOHNNY DEPP!”
“THIS IS THE YEAR TO STOP GOOGLING ‘WEIRD DISEASES’!”
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Hey, if the voices in your head are screaming “More Dusty!” head on over to In The Powder Room where I take on the topic of mothers who appear to be heating up their glue guns to make their kid’s school project for them in Judge Not (Especially Not Other Breeders).
photo credit: dbking via photopin cc
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
Again you have topped yourself! Where do I start to explain how this made me laugh…there are multiple levels for which hours of therapy will not decipher.
I do have two comments (that you can look forward to) for:
“TIME TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT FOR A COLONOSCOPY!”
1- You will never feel as clean inside (physically) as you will the moment you wake up from the procedure!
2- You should get yourself on a scale before eating anything as you will never weigh as little as you do the moment you wake up from the procedure!
Oh, Darrin, thank you so much for those mental images. They are doing my 49 & 1/2 year old brain good.
dude…colonoscopy!? we’ve much to catch up on. whao, I’m typing up discussion notes chatting online about said topic. I too am getting aged as recently I’ve uttered the, “washed up at 42″ phrase midlife crisis yelp!
the picture does scream “agh” where’d time go?!?
two dude comments in row for a blog, has to be a unique streak.
Two dude comments in a row. Very gratifying.
Re: “ARE THERE ANY COOL-LOOKING NECK CHAINS FOR READING GLASSES?!”
Let me know if you find any.
I will, Cindi. So far it’s “NO THEY’RE ALL LAME!”
So sad…as one who is there as of 2 days ago, the reminder of ‘it’s time to get a colonoscopy’ sits on my refridgerator under the ‘crazy cat lady’ magnet………..
Oh… Kathryn…
I’m sending this to my mom. She is turning 65 this Sunday. I guess I’ll just remind her she is way overdue for a colonoscopy.
Lose the capitals, though, Tinne; we don’t want to freak her out.
Are you totally sure your husband isn’t pranking you with the loud noises? Just based on what I’ve read about him…it seems plausible.
Entirely possible. He talks in his sleep. Like long, drawn-out conversations. Once he even was clapping and singing in his sleep. Nighttime is very entertaining around our house.
That’s what I miss from my youth, not having to think about colonoscopies and remembering if I took my calcium supplement. I was blissfully oblivious to all of it.
Yes, but think of all the wisdom you’ve gained throughout the years. Prayerfully.
This was very funny Shari (she says primly just before her own head detonates).
I will miss you, LJ.
you are so insanely gorgeous that it doesn’t matter how old you are. This is a real syndrome?! I thought it was a syndrome that I made up when all my kids are driving me crazy.
This is completely real, Kelcey, and it happens with over-50′s and mothers with 4 and 3/4 children.
Did you just say “colonoscopy?”
*dives under bed but is careful not to leave butt sticking out*
XOXO
A.
P.S. My head is exploding with laughter from this post.
Tuck that heinie in, lady.
start saying “early fifties” now, and keep saying it for about 15 years. That’s what I’m doing. How old am I? In my early fifties
(but I have the colon of a much younger girl)
I’ve often admired your colon, Sharona. From afar, of course.
Holy cow this is a real thing? Life is grand isn’t?
Grand. Yes. That’s a good word. Shouted from inside your exploding head.
As a fellow 1963 baby, I say AMEN!
Yeah, Debbie!! ‘Twas a good year.