For the past five days, I have been in pain, pain that can only be described as feeling like someone is repeatedly stabbing me in the neck with a butter knife. Apparently, I’ve tweaked some muscle deep in my shoulder, an old injury that I’ve struggled with since 1987 when I was teaching aerobics at Women’s Workout World and leaned over to adjust my magenta leg warmer and suddenly couldn’t move my head. I’m not sure why this is flaring up again, especially since I haven’t yet worn leg warmers in 2013, but it surely does hurt like a motha.
So what does one do when one’s neck is busted and one is delirious from pain? Here are three fun things!
1. Get acupuncture for the very first time in your 49 and 1/3 years.
(And make your acupuncturist take your picture with the needles in your back because you think that would be super funny even though she’s not laughing all that much and maybe even rolling her eyes a little bit.)
2. Take a healthy dose of Naproxen, slap on a smile and a Scottish accent and read Emma Thompson’s “The Further Tale of Peter Rabbit” at a Baby Gap in Manhattan for the organization Milk+Bookies.
3. Take a near-overdose dose of Naproxen and build a bunkbed for your children.