For the past five days, I have been in pain, pain that can only be described as feeling like someone is repeatedly stabbing me in the neck with a butter knife. Apparently, I’ve tweaked some muscle deep in my shoulder, an old injury that I’ve struggled with since 1987 when I was teaching aerobics at Women’s Workout World and leaned over to adjust my magenta leg warmer and suddenly couldn’t move my head. I’m not sure why this is flaring up again, especially since I haven’t yet worn leg warmers in 2013, but it surely does hurt like a motha.
So what does one do when one’s neck is busted and one is delirious from pain? Here are three fun things!
1. Get acupuncture for the very first time in your 49 and 1/3 years.
(And make your acupuncturist take your picture with the needles in your back because you think that would be super funny even though she’s not laughing all that much and maybe even rolling her eyes a little bit.)
I’m like an obnoxious tourist in my own life.
2. Take a healthy dose of Naproxen, slap on a smile and a Scottish accent and read Emma Thompson’s “The Further Tale of Peter Rabbit” at a Baby Gap in Manhattan for the organization Milk+Bookies.
Hi kids! Sit right in front of Miss Shari because she can’t turn her head!
3. Take a near-overdose dose of Naproxen and build a bunkbed for your children.
Wow, there sure are a lot of screws, nuts and bolts in this thing. Wow, my neck sure hurts looking down at those screws, nuts and bolts.
I have an idea: let’s just put the mattress inside that hole and finish this tomorrow, after I visit the unamused acupuncturist again.
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
I surely hope you get better! Love you! Its great that you aret still so humorous through it all keep smiling!
Thank you, darling Shavonne!
Women’s Workout World FTW! Where 12.99 a month buys you Coin lockers *AND* African Aerobics.
Ugh, so sorry about the neck. I do believe acupuncture is capable of miraculousness. xoxo
I knew it! I knew you were a fellow WWW-er! Maybe that’s why I love you so much!
Hmmm…..
Do I sense a call to Pug Rescue?
We can call him/her “Leg Warmer!!!” Not as catchy as Chandelier, but….
We need a uninimate object!!
James Christian Jr
You always make it about the pugs, James. I like that about you.
Oh, no! I feel you, sista – my neck is my trouble spot, too.
And now I must find out what Naproxen is…it sounds very intriguing…
Feel better!!
XOXO
Anna
Call me when you find out what it is, we can compare prescriptions and giggle like real girls. Girls with bad necks.
I’ve had that whole neck thing before, too. Mine usually is on one side and comes when I try to reach too far for something. It’s even caused numbness in my arm before. I’ve gone to physical therapy for it and they have given me some good exercises/stretches for when it flares up. I don’t know if yours is the same, but maybe PT would help.
Anyways, feel better, and I hoped you’ve learned your lesson about leg warmers.
I need to go to PT, Shannon. Leg warmers or no leg warmers. xo
So back in the day, did you go over to ‘Chi Chi’s’ for Marg’s after your hard day of sweatin’ to those 70′s classic hits? (Like I got to ask)
Um… were you watching me? Because that’s EXACTLY what I did. But don’t forget that I also stole the marg glass every time. Ya know, in my pre-Christian days.
I could tell some stories too, but this is your confession.
“Deinde, ego te absolvo a peccatis tuis in nomine Patris, et Filii, + et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.”
Best quote ever: “I’m like an obnoxious tourist in my own life.”
Yes, I’m quite proud of that one and thank you for acknowledging
Well, as a member of the Over 40 Club I have felt the pain of a pain in the neck! The one where you have to turn your entire body just to see what is on the left or the right. I completely forget what is behind me….I have no chance of seeing what is behind me with out cringing with pain.
I have also experienced the rolling of the eyes of the random medical practitioner as someone I know well (she will remain nameless for now) asks some unsuspecting doctor/nurse/administrative assistant if a picture can be taken to commemorate a moment that in my mind can only (and will be) used to embarrass my children.
I second the vote on the best quote ever!
I need the name of the random medical practitioner. NEED it.
LOL – Not to laugh at your being in pain but I so get where you are coming from and sometimes it hurts a little less if you can at least have some fun with it.
I’m very very sorry your neck is broken.
Also, I really love that bunkbed. I realize this is all “oohh, look at that shiny object over there” and a complete distraction from the main point, but can you tell me where you got it? We need one for our house…
I hope you get well soon!