Of Mice and Women

by Shari on December 4, 2012

Hey Dusty, it’s me! Your beloved pet from 1975!

In the Year of our Lord 1975, I was known for three things.

My ability to simultaneously sing and act out all the characters in Run, Joey, Run.

My penchant for practical jokes.

And my dead pet mouse.

Given to me already dead by my friend Jill, my deceased pet took up residence in my jewelry box nestled atop the brand new watch given to me by my parents. The stacking order obviously showed which gift I preferred. Every morning for a week, I would carefully lift my stiff little friend out of his home and slip him into my denim purse so that he could accompany me to 7th grade. But I won’t go into those shenanigans here; you can read all about that in my upcoming children’s book, “If You Take A Dead Mouse to Middle School”.

By the weekend, the smell of my denim purse and the leather strap on my brand-new watch had begun to tell a tale of woe; time was running out for me and my guy. And so I did what any other preteen girl would have done in this situation.

I got a very very long piece of thread that was the same color as the carpet in our living room, tied one end of the thread around the mouse’s neck, put him under a chair, ran the thread to the other side of the room, hid behind the couch and waited. My Dad came in to watch TV and laid down on the couch. When he was good and relaxed, I started pulling the thread and the mouse began to cross the carpet.

Have you ever heard a grown man scream? It’s not a pretty sound.

Unless, of course, you’re a bored twelve-year old in the Year of our Lord 1975 with a dead mouse, a penchant for practical jokes, and a burning vengeance in your heart from singing “Daddy, please don’t, it wasn’t his fault, he means so much to me…”

Then, it’s beautiful.

 

 

photo credit: pindec via photopin cc

{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

Tim December 4, 2012 at 1:38 pm

‘Et ego te absolvo a peccatis tuis
in nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. ‘

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Shari December 4, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Thank you, Pastor. *flushes pet down toilet*

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Kristin December 4, 2012 at 2:17 pm

You. Are. So. Twisted.

But awesome. So, so awesome.

Which is why I love you so much. ;)

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Shari December 4, 2012 at 2:22 pm

My twisted heart says I love you back.

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Darrin December 4, 2012 at 2:21 pm

I have started to read your posts on a regular basis now (before just every so often)…and I have not decided if these wonderful videos and stories are therapy for my soul (as in I am not alone) or if as a result of watching and reading them that I will need some therapy!!!

jury still out on this one!

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Shari December 4, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Companionship. And therapy. It’s a double package with Dusty. xxoo

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Anne December 4, 2012 at 5:53 pm

I love NOTHING more than a good practical joke. Right. On. Shari.

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Shari December 4, 2012 at 6:07 pm

You don’t live that far from me, do you, Anne? *grabs whoopie cushion and purse*

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Missy December 4, 2012 at 6:29 pm

I’m not sure whether I laughed harder about the phrase “Year of Our Lord” or the fact that your purse and watch began to tell a tale of woe. This is totally one of those spectacularly cringe AND laugh worthy posts. Hope your kids know better than to try to pull on over on the mama anytime soon…

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Shari December 4, 2012 at 7:15 pm

I’ve always said how quirky my daughter is, and now that I wrote this post, I’m beginning to see why.

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James Christian Jr December 4, 2012 at 7:18 pm

You are a STRANGE girl, Red!

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Shari December 4, 2012 at 8:38 pm

True dat.

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Alexandra December 6, 2012 at 6:54 am

Dusty? Do you NOT know that fear of mice is a real atrocious thing?? And I have spent the night with you?
Oh my dear god what will I do with you????

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dusty earth mother December 6, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Don’t worry, Empress, I won’t bring any into our bed in Chicago. Probably.

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Hope December 6, 2012 at 4:27 pm

“What any other preteen would do…” Love love love!

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dusty earth mother December 6, 2012 at 6:05 pm

What? Isn’t that the sort of fun activity you engaged in as a preteen, Hope?

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the mama bird diaries December 7, 2012 at 2:29 am

I had a roommate who kept dead bees hanging in her room. You would have liked her.

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Shari December 7, 2012 at 3:51 am

I’m trying to get a mental image of this and cannot. Did she tie string around their little bee bodies and suspend them? Am I overthinking this?

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Lady Jennie December 8, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Shar, if you had been any closer, I would have wrapped my little rat and handed him over to you.

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dusty earth mother December 8, 2012 at 11:35 pm

I didn’t know you had a rat. Did you get him before or after the dog?

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