When your family and friends suspect that you’re addicted to pugs

by Shari on September 16, 2012

ChandyandDaddy
Look at the expression on my face.

If, perchance, that look of disdain and disgust does not convey my deepest emotions about the presence of this over-tongued beast with the bowling ball-sized head in my home, then let me expound.

I hate him.

I will not call him "Daddy", but "Satan's Daddy".

If this "trial visit" turns into him coming to live with us, he will have a mysterious accident that involves an arsenic-laced Beggin' Strip and a long tumble down the basement steps.

And.

If I live to be fifteen, I will never understand why one pug was not enough for you.

Seriously, lady.

Not only did you add that second creature with a brain the size of a pine nut, but now you're considering a third creature with a brain the size of a nanobe.

I think you have a problem.

So here are some questions I think you need to ask yourself (borrowed and slightly revised from the OxyContin Addiction website):

1. Am I bringing more and more pugs into the home because one pug doesn't do much for me anymore?

2. Have I ever faced a legal problem due to my pug usage?

3. Would I prefer to take in pugs than do other things?

4. Do I ever take in new pugs because I need them to alleviate the withdrawal symptoms I get when I only have one pug?

5. Do I ever promise myself or loved ones that I will stop adding pugs altogether and then fail to follow through?

6. Do I ever realize that I've forgotten something or blacked out because I'm distracted by the roaring sound of multiple pugs breathing?

7. Do I lie to family and friends about my pug usage?

If you've answered yes to more than one of these questions, then you have passed the point of enjoying snuggles from flat-faced dogs that smell like microwaved Cheetos.

You have a pug problem.

Soon I will throw off this mortal coil and rest in the cushy lap of Jesus. And when I do, you will be left with Pine Nut Brain and Satan's Daddy. I hope that will be enough for you. 'Cause the only thing smaller than a nanobe is your common sense.

Yours in poisoned bacon-shaped dog treats,

–Chandy


{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

Melanie September 16, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Oh my! Poor Chandy!! And you thought 2 little human creature babies and that other pug (our favorite, btw, though we still love you) was going to be the death of you? But there’s a bright side (that doesn’t include poison bacon), right?…Right? I’m still thinking…can you make him disappear?
Mucho love to you, Chandelier J.

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dusty earth mother September 16, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Oh, Im planning on making him disappear, Aunt Melanie. With an unlocked front door and a swift kick to the arse. –Chandelier J.

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Jeni September 17, 2012 at 3:59 am

I hope Daddy let’s you keep Daddy! He’s beautiful.
But I’d add “Mac” to his name; because he looks like he has a way with the ladies. ;)

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dusty earth mother September 17, 2012 at 5:40 am

Okay, Jeni, not only did that make me laugh out loud, but Im seriously considering it. It might avert considerable confusion with the real Daddy. You know, the one who does not need to go poop in the back yard.

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Agent99 September 17, 2012 at 7:31 am

You say that like pug addiction is a bad thing. I just don’t understand…..

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dusty earth mother September 17, 2012 at 7:55 am

No, I didnt say that. Chandy did. And shes biased.

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Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom September 17, 2012 at 8:09 am

I’ll see you at the next Pugs Anonymous meeting. I’ll be the one in the Pugs Not Drugs t-shirt. “Hello. My name is Linda. I have multiple pugs…” “Hello Linda”. I am known in this town as “that crazy pug lady”. Admitting I have a problem is half the battle, right?

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dusty earth mother September 17, 2012 at 9:00 am

Babe, we can do our 12 Steps together.

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Jenners September 17, 2012 at 1:49 pm

I hate to say it but Chandy is right on this one. : )

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dusty earth mother September 17, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Chandy would like to thank you for your support, Jenners.

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Kristin September 17, 2012 at 8:16 pm

I’m dying over here. The whole post is a riot…but adjusting the OxyContin Addiction checklist to relate to pugs? GENIUS.

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Nancy Davis Kho September 18, 2012 at 8:27 am

That picture is frickin’ priceless. Imagine the conversations these two are having when you’re not at home.

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dusty earth mother September 18, 2012 at 8:29 am

Yes, Chandy is a very bright pug. We probably should have bred her, but as she says, we were too selfish and took away her reproductive rights.

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dusty earth mother September 18, 2012 at 8:32 am

Chandy: Youre a slob
Daddy: Huh? Wha? Wassa a shlob? Squirrel!
Chandy: Someone kill me right now.

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Delfin Joaquin Paris III September 18, 2012 at 4:59 pm

If all you pug people wanted to, like, move to the same city, that would be totally cool with the rest of us.

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dusty earth mother September 18, 2012 at 5:50 pm

But how do you really feel about it, DJ?

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Delfin Joaquin Paris III September 18, 2012 at 7:35 pm

I own a 6 lb. chihuahua and take her in a little dog backpack as I ride to work. So, I have no right to make fun of pugs.

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Anna Lefler September 18, 2012 at 8:55 pm

*snort*
Okay, this was hilarious.
And you’ve made me take a serious look at my…um…beagle dependency. (woof)
XOXO
A.

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dusty earth mother September 19, 2012 at 5:43 am

Ah ha! Gotcha! Thank you for being humble enough to admit your own addiction. Its the first step to healing, you know.

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dusty earth mother September 19, 2012 at 5:45 am

You realize, of course, that if we combined our addictions, it adds up to the hip hybrid dog of choice: the puggle.

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the mama bird diaries September 19, 2012 at 11:29 am

My mother doesn’t have a pug addiction but she does have a dog addiction and she would say yes to every one of those!

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dusty earth mother September 19, 2012 at 12:40 pm

I love your mother already. It didnt pass on down to you, however. Because of that crazy dog you had?

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