I’ll never forgive you

by Shari on September 27, 2012

Any of you.

Why has no one ever told me about these?!


Caramel

You all knew such a glorious delicacy existed and you didn't tell me?!

Especially you, Charlotte Detrick. You're Dutch, for heaven's sake. You say you love me, but Praatjes vullen geen gaatjes, babe. Yeah, that's right, actions speak louder than words.

The ultimate indignity was that I had to discover the existence of this wondrous wafer at BJ's. That airplane hangar of foodstuffs . One aisle over from the fake Oriental rugs and the Life Gear Wings of Life Safety Preparedness Backpack.

That is just. so. wrong. people.

You know what else is wrong? That I fell in love at first sight while I'm on a sugar fast. That's right, the hubs and I are off all sweets until Thanksgiving. The Thanksgiving that's in November. That one. So all I could do was stare, gape, drool and cry out:

"Will you wait for me? Will you, Daelman's Caramel Wafers, the Original Dutch Coffee-Topper? Or will you be like so many other BJ's products, here today because of a surplus and gone tomorrow because of a deficit? Will I return the day after Thanksgiving and suffer my own personal Black Friday? WAIT FOR ME! TOP MY COFFEE WITH YOUR CREAMY CARAMELY CRUNCHY GOODNESS!"

I turned away in despair and got a very dirty look from the woman handing out crab cake samples.

And I blame all of you.

Especially you, Charlotte.

Windmill Wench.

{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Jeanie Shaw September 27, 2012 at 8:44 pm

laughed out loud!!…and good to know about these wonderful looking delicacies. I have also been subjected to this conspiracy to keep the knowledge of good crunchy gooey stuff away from people as well. But Shari…buy them now. Or…I have good news for you. I saw them on amazon, and here is a blurb from a 5 star review. “They are sort of crunchy on the outside with a creamy caramel on the inside. If you put it over your cup when your drink it hot, it softens the caramel. If you don’t have a hot drink, you can just microwave it for a few seconds and get the same effect.” So does that help you wait? Until then.
geniet van uw kopje koffie zonder suiker

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dusty earth mother September 28, 2012 at 5:32 am

Thanks, Jeanie. Now Im really in pain. :-)

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Gurmeet December 3, 2012 at 8:40 pm

You have to get these cards into stores. I know Hallmark won’t sell them but they are so funny. No one will want to wait weeks to tell snoemoe to fuck off but they are SO FUNNY!!

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Jeni September 28, 2012 at 6:38 am

Oh, Shari. We’ve had these for years (There’s a European Bakery at the end of the street.)
Pro tip: Freeze them. The, take them out of freezer for 5 minutes and enjoy almost frozen.
Sugar-fast be damned.

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dusty earth mother September 28, 2012 at 7:16 am

That is an awesome pro tip, Jeni. I will have one frozen and one over my coffee. In November. *sob*

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tara September 28, 2012 at 10:38 am

Now I know what to get you for Christmas.

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Alexandra September 28, 2012 at 11:20 am

Shari: these look like EXACTLY my style.
How do you do them?
Sounds like a first hit conversation, doesn’t it?
Instructions, please. Do I inhale?

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dusty earth mother September 28, 2012 at 11:41 am

Thank you in advance.

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dusty earth mother September 28, 2012 at 11:42 am

Definitely meant to be injected, A.

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Jenners September 29, 2012 at 4:08 am

Now THAT is not a good friend. I’d say cut her off forever!
And I suggest you buy a case or two … you never know when those airplane hanger stores will “disappear” a product.

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Heather September 29, 2012 at 7:55 am

Don’t get you hopes up. There’s a 50/50 chance they could be “Starbucks” desserts. All creamy and alluring in the display case. All cardboardy and waxy in your mouth.

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Nancy Davis Kho September 29, 2012 at 8:43 am

Guilty as charged. My father in law lived in Holland for years so I married into a stroopwafel-loving family. Do you put it atop your coffee cup to let it get warm and melty first before eating it? That’s Old Skool.
Stroopwafels were a primary incentive to include Amsterdam on our itinerary in Europe last summer…

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dusty earth mother September 29, 2012 at 8:45 am

Ah, good idea, Jenners! I never thought about advance purchasing.

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dusty earth mother September 29, 2012 at 8:47 am

Im actually going to pretend that this is true, Heather; at least until November when the Truth Is Revealed.

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dusty earth mother September 29, 2012 at 8:49 am

THE NANCY DAVIS KHO! I AM SHOCKED AND WOUNDED BY THIS! The next time we see each other, you must bring me a box of stroopwafels as a peace offering.

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dusty earth mother September 29, 2012 at 9:02 am

How about salty black licorice? Has your wooden shoed friend told you about those yet? I personally cant stand the stuff, but its VERY Dutch.Have a lovely day my friendFrom: Shari Simpson-Cabelin [mailto:shari@dustyearthmother.com]
Sent: Saturday, September 29, 2012 8:50 AM
To: reply-4FZLUCIGI7RE_4ZQ5VGFHM7RG@typepad.com; Nancy Davis Kho
Subject: Re: [Earth Mother just means Im dusty] Nancy Davis Kho submitted a comment to Ill never forgive youTHE NANCY DAVIS KHO! I AM SHOCKED AND WOUNDED BY THIS! The next time we see each other, you must bring me a box of stroopwafels as a peace offering.

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Ann October 1, 2012 at 5:55 pm

(E)DAM them!
I LOVE Dutch cheese jokes!

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