Comedy, offered on a silver platter.

by Shari on September 9, 2012

Sometimes, you got nothin'.

And you have to wring comedy out of the mundane, squeezing it out, like you'd squeeze out a mop, or a package of thawed frozen spinach, or maybe the last few precious drops from one of those frozen packaged cocktails, like Lieutenant Blender's Mojito in a Bag.

But sometimes, comedy just gets handed to you on a big silver… dog bowl.

A friend emailed me the other day to tell me that her boss was having trouble with his landlord and needed to find a new home for his 3-year old male pug. Since I am such an obvious sucker for the breed, she immediately thought of me. I hemmed and hawed, not sure if I could even entertain the idea of a third pug, especially since the email said that he was not neutered. But I couldn't help myself, I asked the dog's name anyway.

The email came back with one golden sentence.

"The pug's name is Daddy."

Daddy?

The pug's name is Daddy?

Daddy, as in the name my children call their father, so I do too?

I closed my eyes in bliss. In all my years of improvisational comedy, I'd never gotten an offering so sweet. I shivered with the deliciousness of it, dreaming, imagining my new life where I would have complete license to say things like:

"Kids! Daddy has to poop, will you take him out in the back yard?"

"Bad Daddy! Bad Daddy!"

"Oh, you're hungry, Daddy? Let me finish my blog post and then I'll pour you a bowl of Ol' Roy."

"You were naughty so you have to sleep in your cage tonight, Daddy."

"Daddy! Do not hump my leg in front of company! I'm sorry, Daddy has dominance issues."

"I'm keeping you on a short leash, Daddy."

"Sit, Daddy! Roll over! Beg, Daddy, beg!"

And the five words that every wife in the world has wanted to say at some point:

"Time to get Daddy fixed."

 
Pugintie

 

Disclaimer 1: I'll let you know if I decide to let Daddy live with us.

Disclaimer 2: This post was approved by my husband. Good Daddy! Good Daddy!

 

 

 

 

 

{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }

Tara September 9, 2012 at 6:57 pm

I can’t wait for you to be yelling “Down Daddy!” or asking “Does Daddy want a bone?”
Oooooh My!

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Agent99 September 9, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Hysterical. and you know there is certain group of ladies on FB who will arrange an underground railroad transport for this guy practically anywhere in the lower 48. of course, the comedic potential her cannot be ignored….

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dusty earth mother September 9, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Yes, Tara! More! I want more good lines, everybody!

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dusty earth mother September 9, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Oh yes, Peta, I know there are some ladies on FB who could go to town on this one :-)

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Amanda September 9, 2012 at 7:08 pm

That is truly a dog bowl of awesomeness.

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dusty earth mother September 9, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Yes. Yes, it is, Amanda. Lets put our heads in and chomp.

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Delfin Joaquin Paris III September 9, 2012 at 7:14 pm

In a similar vein, teach the children to start calling your husband “father.” It never becomes unfunny.

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dusty earth mother September 9, 2012 at 7:20 pm

An added bonus to this story, DJ.

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anna see September 9, 2012 at 8:51 pm

How about “just because Daddy eats vomit doesn’t mean it’s okay?”

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dusty earth mother September 10, 2012 at 5:43 am

Oh, Anna. I think I may love you.

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Deena Lynk September 10, 2012 at 7:19 am

“I know you hate the B word, Daddy, but it really is time for a bath.” Please take Daddy in! It’s the only right thing to do!

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dusty earth mother September 10, 2012 at 7:49 am

I love it, Deena! And Ill let you know about poor Daddy :-)

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Nancy Davis Kho September 10, 2012 at 8:44 am

Really? There’s any doubt in your mind that you are about to have three pugs? That’s cute.
We had a n’er-do-well dog named Sandy when I was kid, who probably thought his name was “SANDY-You’re-a-very-bad-dog!” Of course when we get new next door neighbors, the mom’s name was Sandy. Awkward, for 11 more years.

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Anthonyleem September 10, 2012 at 9:55 am

this puts having daddy issues in a whole new perspective…hahaha

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The Flying Chalupa September 10, 2012 at 11:05 am

OMG, you are totally going to have two Daddys. I can see it now. Promise me you’ll play Fleetwood Mac’s Oh Daddy for his welcome party.

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Shannon September 10, 2012 at 11:13 am

To avoid confusion, you and the kids could start calling your husband Daddy Long Legs. Tread lightly, though, you don’t want him to bring home a pug (of the bitch variety) and name her Mommy.
This post gave me a good laugh. Thanks for that!

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dusty earth mother September 10, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Good point, Anthony.

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dusty earth mother September 10, 2012 at 12:46 pm

You know me far too well, The Nancy Davis Kho. (Poor Sandy)

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dusty earth mother September 10, 2012 at 12:47 pm

That is a pinky-swear promise, Tarja.

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dusty earth mother September 10, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Oh Shannon, I am so lucky that my husband already read my blog this morning, otherwise hes just mischievous enough to do that. Thanks for visiting!

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Heather September 10, 2012 at 9:46 pm

I read and read and have yet to comment. We’ll start here, shall we?
This is hilarious.
Your kids could potentially have years of fun ahead of them.
Daddy’s breath stinks!
Daddy keeps licking his butt and it’s grossing me out!
Daddy, shut! Up!
I love love love your blog. Thank you for it.

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Lady Jennie September 11, 2012 at 3:53 am

Very funny! :-)
A third pug huh?

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dusty earth mother September 11, 2012 at 6:02 am

Heather, thank you! And you certainly picked a good time to come forward–Daddys licking his butt is like music to my ears. So appreciate the love. xxoo

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dusty earth mother September 11, 2012 at 6:02 am

Sssshhhhh, Lady Jennie. You know me too well to comment on this. :-)

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Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes September 12, 2012 at 5:15 am

Oh the endless possibilities!
And obviously Daddy agreed, he doesn’t want to get fixed…

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Emily Guy Birken September 12, 2012 at 7:05 am

This is AWESOME. I have always wanted to name a dog The Lord so that I could mess with door-to-door proselytizers:
“I’m sorry I can’t talk. I have to walk The Lord.”
“The Lord is a little angry today, so tread lightly in our yard.”
“Caring for The Lord takes up so much of my time, I don’t know that I have any room for religion in my life.”

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Jenners September 12, 2012 at 8:52 am

It would almost be worth it just to say all these things.

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dusty earth mother September 12, 2012 at 6:27 pm

They really are endless, arent they? Keep em coming!

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Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom September 13, 2012 at 9:44 am

“Mom! Daddy pooped in front of company again!”. Shari, you so need to complete your brood to form a Pug Trinity. I have a trinity and while there’s a lot of holy shit, it’s heavenly!

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dusty earth mother September 13, 2012 at 10:50 am

Im trying! When I have the trinity, we must exchange pug photos and compare notes :-)

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Elinor June 9, 2013 at 2:50 pm

I do not even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post
was great. I don’t know who you are but definitely you are going to a famous blogger if you aren’t already ;) Cheers!

Reply

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