First of all, I would like to thank my dear friend, the brilliant Anna Lefler for letting me borrow her phrase "festival of menses" for my post-conference title. It's from her wildly funny book The Chicktionary, which every woman should own, nudge nudge, and she kindly handed it over when I told her I couldn't think of a more appropriate title for my experience at BlogHer '12.
Because it was.
Dum dum de dum, la la la, baby baby baby oh, falling from Cloud Ni–ine–
Are you back? Awesome.
So, reading that tragic tale to a huge group of women and a few brave men was simply the most fun I've ever had in my life. And I've had a pretty fun life.
And then afterward. Oh, the love. Oh, the encouragement. Oh, the empathic femininestrual horror stories.
Here are just a few:
"I was wearing a white dress at my graduation. A white dress with a big red splotch on the back. And I walked across the stage to get my diploma."
"I destroyed my best friend's mother's couch. DESTROYED."
"I went to meet an ex-boyfriend at a fancy restaurant to try to get some closure. I got closure, all right. He had to give me his shirt to wrap around my waist so I could walk out of the place without complete humiliation."
Whispered in my ear: "I have paper napkins stuffed in my underwear right now."
And my personal favorite, told to me by Anne Flournoy of the fantastic web series The Louise Log with full permission to use her name:
"I was in a jury selection process for the trial of Thomas Gotti and I was trying to get out of it due to a 'physical ailment', attempting to whisper to the judge about what was going on. This judge just happened to be blind and kept demanding that I speak loudly about why I needed to leave. Finally I said in a very loud voice "Menstrual flooding!" And boy, did that blind man blush."
Of course, all of the stories relayed to me were followed by a sympathetic and admiring, "Bad as it was… at least it didn't happen to me at the Spelling Manor."
Yes. I possess that distinctive badge of womanhood.
I have much more to say about BlogHer '12. And I'll say it, because I obviously have no problem oversharing, ahem, sharing. But for today, I just want to thank all the incredible women who laughed at/with me on Friday and thank them for their stories. Because you made me laugh right back.
So what's your best/worst "female" story? Come on, we're all friends here.