Well, that’s a First

by Shari on March 17, 2012

Screen shot 2012-03-17 at 10.59.01 PM

I often think about firsts.

Not as in “what came first, the chicken or the egg” firsts.

But firsts as in “hey, that white thing that just came out of the chicken’s butt, let’s try frying it and eating it with a side of pig” firsts.

Don’t you ever wonder about people who come up with firsts? Are they completely original? Or is it all trial and error, like there was an entire tribe of guys that attempted to eat things that came out of other animals’ butts’, and one of them just got lucky?

Do you think about these things too or am I the first?

I sometimes think about how much fun it would be to think up something before anybody does. Maybe I could make some money. Or get some notoriety. Or just have the satisfaction of hearing someone say, “Well, that’s a first”, and know they really meant it.

But I'm not so sure that there is such a thing as a first anymore. Hasn't everything already been thought up? Perhaps it's left to us to take the ideas that exist and do some creative linking.

I keep thinking about asking Sam’s Club and Club Med to merge. Then I would be the creator of Sam’s Club Med, the first budget-ultra-luxury vacation resort where not only could you shop for household staples while wearing a bikini and drinking an alcoholic beverage with a little umbrella, but your hotel room would have 5-gallon containers of shampoo and tanning oil.

I keep thinking about putting the 20 million rats in New York City in a giant hamster wheel and letting them power the Manhattan subway system.

I keep thinking about upgrading one of those mechanical language translators (MT) to a Marriage Emotional language translator (MELT). When a wife chirps "What shall I whip up for dinner tonight?", it would go through the machine and come out in the husband's earpiece "I am so tired that I'm about to burst into tears and I can't think of another possible way to cook chicken breasts, so if you have ever loved me you will show it right now by downloading the Pizza Hut app and scoring us a Thin Crust Super Supreme."

I keep thinking about developing Parental Control Software that can be installed right into children's eyeballs.

I keep thinking about creating a new website called Linterest where everyone can share photos of what they discover in their belly buttons.

Um… I've got about 893 more of these, so if you want to hear them, or you know, steal them, speak up.

Or you could be the first to say, "Please stop."

 

 

{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Kimberly March 18, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Please, oh please, continue. I’ve needed the laughs today, and this was hilarious.

Reply

dusty earth mother March 18, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Come on over and have coffee with me, Kimberly. I have a million of them. Unfortunately :-)

Reply

Kim H March 18, 2012 at 7:20 pm

I hate to admit it, but I’m right onboard with the whole “rat-powered subway” experience! Go on with that creative linking, Shari……

Reply

Kristin March 18, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Please send me an invite to Linterest once you get it up and running. :)

Reply

dusty earth mother March 18, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Of course you are, Kim. Great minds…

Reply

sara March 18, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Yes, I say – “Give us some more “firsts”!”

Reply

dusty earth mother March 18, 2012 at 7:42 pm

I think Linterest is my big money-maker, dont you?

Reply

dusty earth mother March 19, 2012 at 7:02 am

I shall, Sarita! Whether the world wants it or not!

Reply

ROSE SIMPSON March 19, 2012 at 9:49 am

STOP STOP STOP STOP SSSSTTTTTOOOOPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!
MAMA ROSE

Reply

ROSE SIMPSON March 19, 2012 at 9:51 am

SORRY BABE, I LOST IT FOR A SECOND. TOO MUCH BELLY BUTTON LINT FOR ME.
LUV YA
MAMA ROSE

Reply

dusty earth mother March 19, 2012 at 9:55 am

HAHAHAHAHAHA, MAMA ROSE!

Reply

The Flying Chalupa March 20, 2012 at 8:13 pm

I can’t believe Mama Rose doesn’t want to hear more of your belly lint awesomeness! :)
And Sam’s Club Med? That would be my father’s DREAM. 50 cans of Bush’s baked beans with anything is his dream, actually.
So, so funny and I will vote for you. Yes I will. You’re running for something, right?

Reply

dusty earth mother March 21, 2012 at 4:40 am

Yes, my friend. Im running for King of the World. Just like that guy who was on that boat that sank.

Reply

Lady Jennie March 21, 2012 at 9:11 am

Oh wow. There is no end to dusty earth mother brilliance and I am very far from sarcasm. Off to tweet this.

Reply

James Christian Jr March 21, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Another post on your bodily parts….how LIVE for them{<–sarcasm inserted}!!!
James Christian Jr
Still reeeeeeling from your L.A./Tori Spelling situation post!!!!!!
EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!EW!!

Reply

dusty earth mother March 21, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Ahhhh, James. Sorry to scare you, dear.

Reply

Bolsos Tous Precios September 7, 2012 at 3:44 am

Hello joylabrpb, I concur pertaining to every one of us . -Bolsos Tous Precios After you engage in your animoto, directly lower when it comes to infant bottom correct mass it advertises almost everyone you’ll be knowledgeable to write-up it during somewhere Bolsos Tous Precios.
Good gcuofgmg!!

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: