Well, that’s a First

I often think about firsts.

Not as in “what came first, the chicken or the egg” firsts.

But firsts as in “hey, that white thing that just came out of the chicken’s butt, let’s try frying it and eating it with a side of pig” firsts.

Don’t you ever wonder about people who come up with firsts? Are they completely original? Or is it all trial and error, like there was an entire tribe of guys that attempted to eat things that came out of other animals’ butts’, and one of them just got lucky?

Do you think about these things too or am I the first?

I sometimes think about how much fun it would be to think up something before anybody does. Maybe I could make some money. Or get some notoriety. Or just have the satisfaction of hearing someone say, “Well, that’s a first”, and know they really meant it.

But I'm not so sure that there is such a thing as a first anymore. Hasn't everything already been thought up? Perhaps it's left to us to take the ideas that exist and do some creative linking.

I keep thinking about asking Sam’s Club and Club Med to merge. Then I would be the creator of Sam’s Club Med, the first budget-ultra-luxury vacation resort where not only could you shop for household staples while wearing a bikini and drinking an alcoholic beverage with a little umbrella, but your hotel room would have 5-gallon containers of shampoo and tanning oil.

I keep thinking about putting the 20 million rats in New York City in a giant hamster wheel and letting them power the Manhattan subway system.

I keep thinking about upgrading one of those mechanical language translators (MT) to a Marriage Emotional language translator (MELT). When a wife chirps "What shall I whip up for dinner tonight?", it would go through the machine and come out in the husband's earpiece "I am so tired that I'm about to burst into tears and I can't think of another possible way to cook chicken breasts, so if you have ever loved me you will show it right now by downloading the Pizza Hut app and scoring us a Thin Crust Super Supreme."

I keep thinking about developing Parental Control Software that can be installed right into children's eyeballs.

I keep thinking about creating a new website called Linterest where everyone can share photos of what they discover in their belly buttons.

Um… I've got about 893 more of these, so if you want to hear them, or you know, steal them, speak up.

Or you could be the first to say, "Please stop."

Tagged as: chicken or the egg, Club Med, first, inventions, Pizza Hut, Sam's Club