Cremation Conversations with Mama Rose

by Shari on March 20, 2012

You caught it, didn't you? The "s" on the end of "conversations"?

Yes. More than one. Multiple. Conversations.

I always enjoy chatting with Mama Rose on the phone and waiting to see how she's going to manuver the conversation into her imminent demise and subsequent clean-up. And lest you think this convo has only been happening since she's been in her prime cremation-prep years, I'd like you to know that we've been talking methods and sprinkling locales since the mid-80's.

This was yesterday's.

Cremation Conversation #487, 230:

MAMA ROSE: We were late because we were waiting for Linnie. She found a place that does discount cremations.

ME: How much?

MAMA ROSE: 800. Pretty good, right?

ME: Not bad.

MAMA ROSE: I'll get the information for you. You can put me in three bowls, one for you, one for your sister and one for Ashley. Well, I don't know if Ashley really wants one.

ME: She probably would. Who wouldn't want a bowl of their grandmother?

MAMA ROSE: I'll ask her. And then you can just scatter me around. Put a little in the yard, some in the lake, some in your yard–I know we talked about throwing me off a cliff in Hawaii, but I don't know if you have to do that.

ME: Okay.

MAMA ROSE: And don't bother putting any at the old house in Oak Lawn. Well… okay, if you happen to be driving by the house, just throw a handful of me out the window onto the lawn.

ME: Okay.

MAMA ROSE: And don't forget, you're singing "By My Side" at the funeral. You can do a duet with Father Mike. You better start practicing your guitar.

ME: I'll go get it out of the basement.

MAMA ROSE: Good. So how are the kids?

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If you liked this post, you might consider Liking me on Facebook. Because, you know, the more Likes, the more popular I appear. The more popular I appear, the more advertising I can get. The more advertising I can get, the more money I'll make, so Mama Rose can have a full price cremation and not have to go the budget route. Thanks.

 

 

{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

tara March 20, 2012 at 8:39 pm

I say live it up and go the swanky all-inclusive cremation route!!!

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dusty earth mother March 20, 2012 at 8:42 pm

More Likes, Tara! This will assure a fancy crematorium! With a spa!

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The Culture Mom March 20, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Seriously?!

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dusty earth mother March 20, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Every last word, Holly.

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ROSE SIMPSON March 21, 2012 at 8:58 am

IT WAS MARY ANN AND NOT LINNIE GOT THIS BARGAIN. SHE ALSO HAD A PLACE WHERE WE COULD GIV OUR BODIES TO SCIENCE AND GET THE CREMATION FOR FREE, BUT SHE LOST THE NUMBER. I WAS SO DISAPPOINTED. THEN SHE FOUND THIS PLACE IN LAPORTE FOR $800. ANOTHER OF HER SCAMS. OH BY THE WAY, DIG A LITTLE HOLE AT YOUR FATHERS’S GRAVE AND SLIP ME IN. MY PLOT IS NEXT TO HIM SO I’M NOT LETTING HIM OFF SCOT FREE. I WANT TO DRIVE HIM CRAZY FOR ALL ETERNITY. HA, HE THOUGHT HE GOT RID OF ME. BE CAREFUL THO CAUSE I THINK IT’S AGAINST THE LAW. WHAT A HOOT.
LOVE YA,
MAMA ROSE

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dusty earth mother March 21, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Oh, Mama Rose. If anyone should donate their body to science…

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Marinka March 21, 2012 at 3:26 pm

That is an awesome price. I want in.

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Gina March 21, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Reading about Mama Rose helps me understand you so much more! :)
Love yoU!

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dusty earth mother March 21, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Apparently, theres a better price if you donate your body to science. As soon as we find the phone number, Ill let you know.

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dusty earth mother March 21, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Yes, it explains a lot, doesnt it?

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Sara March 21, 2012 at 9:18 pm

I’ve had the same conversation
with my mom since the 80′s!
Hilarious – thanks Shari, and Mama Rose
(my mom wants to be sprinkled in the river,
as well as in some of the “dip” at her reception
- kidding).

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Jenners March 22, 2012 at 9:59 am

Well at least you won’t have to guess what she wants done!!

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dusty earth mother March 22, 2012 at 10:13 am

The dip at her reception. That is evil genius.

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dusty earth mother March 22, 2012 at 10:33 am

Oh, Jenners. There is never never never EVER any mystery with Mama Rose.

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Kir March 29, 2012 at 7:01 am

I love this conversation, my mom and I have it all the time.
Believe or not my mom and yours are VERY MUCH alike, she has no issue talking about sex (her own and my lack of) in front of my husband, me, her husband..MY poor Stepdad and when my dad was alive..OYE.
plus they talk to us about this all the time, about the best places to be cremated, I swear EVERY TIME THEY go away, which is often. LOL
I’m sorry I don’t get here as often as I should, but gosh when I do….THE GIGGLES you give me are so worth it. xoxox

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dusty earth mother March 29, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Thanks so much, Kirsten! I always like it when you stop by :-)

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