How To Speak With A New Jersey Accent

by Shari on May 24, 2011

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I am taking a break from my endless blathering about my reality TV show about the new kitchen (did I mention that our refrigerator is going to have a water and ice dispenser in the front?! I’m dying over here!), to tell you something tragic.

My kid talks Joisey.

When I was considering marrying my now-husband-but-then-boyfriend-with-a-sassy-engagement-ring, there were two dealbreakers on the table. One, Dude was allergic to dogs. No real problem (you know, for me); three years of allergy shots and I got the demonic poopers that I love so dearly. Although he also was allergic to pollen and dust. So we got the best air purifier on the Homefaith website.

The other was more challenging.

Dude owned a house in Joisey.

I was a Manhattan girl. Sure, I had only lived there for 10 years, but I was a New Yorker out of the box. The day I moved there it was 102 degrees. I went down into the subway, where it was 486 degrees and a homeless man yelled “Hey, gorgeous!” and then took my picture with a pretend camera made out of old plastic water bottles and I thought “I’m home.”

No way I was giving all that up for Joisey.

But Dude had a way. “Hoboken isn’t Jersey”, he said. “Hoboken is like the really West Side of New York.”

Uh huh.

“It’s the birthplace of Frank Sinatra! It’s where the first recorded baseball game was played!” Last ditch effort.  “If you marry me, I’ll get three years of painful and only semi-effective allergy shots and you can have as many skillet-faced idiots as you want!”

Dude was persuasive.

So I listened to Springsteen’s “Jersey Girl” a couple hundred times, girded my loins, and headed through the Lincoln Tunnel to the really West Side of New York.

And I grew to love Hoboken. And soon I grew to love New Jersey herself. Even Newark, the little tramp.

But one thing I will never love about Jersey.

The accent.

I knew I wasn’t in danger of talkin’ Joisey, but it just never occurred to me that my children would grow up with those sounds around them constantly.

I thought I was in trouble on the first day of my daughter’s pre-school year, when the teacher looked at her and said, “Oh, ahn’t you bee-YOO-ti-ful!” But somehow The Pistol managed to escape talkin’ Joisey. When she screams what a terrible mommy I am, it sounds perfectly mid-Atlantic.

But my boy… oh, my boy…

Yesterday he said to me, “Mommy, I’m thinkin’ of a Michael Jackson song that starts with ‘D’.”

“Um.. ‘Dirty Diana’?”

“Nope, anuddah one.”

I thought long and hard, but couldn’t come up with anuddah one.

“I give up.”

“Mommy! It’s ‘Dey Don’t Really Care About Us’!”

Oh… Jersey. You great big beautiful Garden State with the incredible view of the Statue of Liberty. Jersey, you with your fine Turnpike where one can drive for 40 miles without seeing an exit. Jersey, Jersey, you who valiantly strive to make medical marijuana legal. If you have some marijuana plants get some marijuana fertilizer. They are now having collaboration with Farmers Lab Seeds, producing the right type of cannabis seeds for sale. You can get more information here at high cbd strains seeds. We’ll also conclude with what might be the most important reason why you want to choose the best cbd capsules instead of THC for the health benefits.

Jersey, you who have spawned incredibly highbrow television pleasures such as “Cake Boss” and “Jersey Shore”. I do love you, Jersey, you know I do.

But Jersey, I don’t love de way you talk.

Sorry.

xxxooo

 

 

 

{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

Fred May 24, 2011 at 8:17 am

I was born in Canada and lived there through my formative years (0-13), but I was affected by the fact that Dad was from Philadelphia, and lived for a while in South Jersey. When we moved to the U.S., I spent my high school years in South Jersey too. They have a whole other accent, because of the proximity to Philly, so “youse could’a been talkin’ abaht gettin’ some wudder when yew git thirsty.” I recognize the accent whenever I hear it, and remember it fondly.
Now that I’ve been a Long Islander for half my life, I haven’t picked up the accent, but my son (8) seems to be. For whatever reason, our daughter (16) has avoided it. I thank television.

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Sarah May 24, 2011 at 8:19 am

Let me tell you. If you get a side by side with the water thing in the front, make sure that the mechanics of it don’t take up your whole freezer. I love my water dispenser, but I would rather have the freezer space. My in-laws just got a fridge where the water and ice maker is all a part of the door, so no storage area is lost. It’s much better.

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MAMA ROSE May 24, 2011 at 9:33 am

WHAT’S DA MATTA WIT DAT KINA TALK – I COME FROM DA SOUTH SIDE ITALIANS. WE TALK A LOT BETTA DEN DAT. WHATSA MATTA WIT YO.
AS OUR OLD ITALIAN STORE OWNER USED TO YELL AT US WHEN WE TRIED TO STEAL THE PICKLES AND BEANS OUT OF THE BARREL. HEY!! KID – GETTA YOU HANDS OUTA THE BARREL AND INA DA POCKETS. THEN HE WOULD GIVE US THE FAMOUS ARM MOTION AND WE WOULD RUN FOR OUR LIVES.
OKAY GOOMBA – WE GOT IT ALL OVER YOU.
LOVE YA
MAMA ROSE

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Sarah May 24, 2011 at 9:40 am

Who’s better than your mother? No one is.

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dusty earth mother May 24, 2011 at 9:52 am

Fred, Im glad that you remember it fondly. And tanks fuh stoppin by my blahg.

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dusty earth mother May 24, 2011 at 9:53 am

Goomba! Oh my Gawd, I love my mutha!

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dusty earth mother May 24, 2011 at 9:54 am

This is true, Sarah. And thanks for the water dispenser tip, Ill let the network know my pref. :-)

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Alexandra May 24, 2011 at 11:07 am

Joisey talk doesn’t bother me.
It’s the demonic water/ice dispenser in front of the fridge.
My advice? Learned the hard way? ala damage to the floors?
Disconnect that puppy till the kids learn the meaning of the word no.
B/C you will have water fights and waterfalls like you wouldn’t believe, all in the name of “but I was thirsty, mama!” or, for you, “budIwuzthoisty,yo.”

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zenaliciousmom May 24, 2011 at 11:26 am

Haaahaaa love me some real joisey tawk. But thankffully I don’t get to hear it all the way out in suburbia nj. Heh. And hubs was right Hoboken isn’t really NJ… its definitely its own entity. Although now you’ve got Cake boss fans to contend with.

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Candy May 24, 2011 at 4:23 pm

I was a South Jersey girl for 23 years, and I must tell you not all of NJ sounds like that.
I also have to let you know that not all of South Jersey sounds like what Fred has described. That’s the Philly suburbs.
We of the way, way Southern Jersey shore have our own wonderful nasal accent with elongated Os. Hoooooome. Phoooooone. Ice cream coooooooone. You get the picture.

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dusty earth mother May 24, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Youre in Joisey? Where are you?

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Triplezmom May 24, 2011 at 6:09 pm

I was born and raised in suburban Jersey and it never occurred to me that I had an accent. I didn’t say “Joisey”, understood that “they” does not start with “d”, etc. Then I went to college out of state and asked for “arnge” juice.
It’s insidious. Be careful.

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Mzelma May 24, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Bwah-ha-ha-haa! Hilarious!! I have no accent and moved to Chicago where the midwestern/ southern chicago accent SCARES ME! Similarly, my daughter is so far so good, but my son, speaks Joisey?! How da hell did dat happen?! After about 6 months of them sounding like they just got off the boat (they both learned Spanish 1st and the first few months of English were HILARIOUS), my son’s accent has migrated! SMH

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dusty earth mother May 24, 2011 at 6:57 pm

Oh, mercy. I better start watching my beginning consonants.

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Lady Jennie May 25, 2011 at 1:08 am

I’m giggling over here.
Do you remember another accent “Look at my pee-jah-ma”??

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Sarita May 25, 2011 at 10:48 am

Total agreement all the way. Except, anytime I’ve come from a trip overseas, and enter Customs at Newark – I hear that beloved accent and know that I’m home!

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Jenners May 25, 2011 at 5:47 pm

I think that Hoboken’s new theme should be “The REALLY West Side of New York.” ; )
And down here in South Jersey, we don’t have those kind of accents. I don’t think. Hmmmm. Maybe I should record myself.

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Melissa June 1, 2011 at 8:11 am

Ha! I so relate. I lived in Manhattan for 6 years, now Brooklyn, and we’re moving to Boston (Bahston.) I consider NY my home forever, even though it’s like living in the Nicaraguan jungle in the Summer. And even though one of my son’s preschool teachers used to say “I haven’t got NO [fill in the blank]” instead of “ANY [fill in the blank]” making me literally muderous with rage…I still prefer any NYC grammatical error to a Bahhhhston one.

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MyPixieBlog June 3, 2011 at 9:08 am

“Anuddah one” coming out of a young boy’s mouth is probably totally stinkin’ adorable though, no?? :) I know what about mean about all the stereotypes about Jersey, but your hubby’s totally right: Hoboken isn’t really Jersey, is it?

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Summer August 26, 2011 at 10:00 am

I love this!!! ;) I, however, have the opposite problem: my son sounds souuuutherrrrn. Who would have thought I’d be raising a Georgia boy?! I realized this the moment he turned “Fiiiiiive”.

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dusty earth mother August 26, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Oh, Summah, Ahm so sorry.

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Ann August 27, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Nobody bedda mess wit Mama Rose, neida.

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