“Have you no shame, woman?!” Day 2 of Filming

by Shari on May 20, 2011

Screen shot 2011-05-20 at 1.28.58 PM

I've always been very open about my life.

I have a feeling I'm going to be one of those old ladies who go into detail about their recent colonoscopy with strangers in the grocery store. (I am Mama Rose's child, after all, who left a comment here yesterday that she was so excited about me being on TV, that she was "going in her pants".)

So when we filmed our second day yesterday, I made no secret, on camera, of the fact that I'm a reformed (well, reforming) slob. Surprisingly enough, no one who had seen my kitchen disagreed with me.

But after filming had finished, I made mention of the fact that I was getting a bunch of my dear friends from my church to help me empty out the kitchen to get ready for construction.

And the director's eyes lit up. "That would be a great thing to get on camera!" He crowed. "Awesome!" I crowed back. "They'll be thrilled! Let's do it!" We crowed a few more times, laid some eggs, and moved on.

And then I started to think.

Hmmm.

This could be a bit too Hoarders-ish for comfort.

People, I do not know what's in the backs of some of my cabinets.

Really.

So I've composed a list. Well, two, actually.

The first list is "Scary Things I Know We Will Find In The Backs Of My Cabinets."

The second list is "Scary Things I'm Afraid We Will Find In The Backs Of My Cabinets."

Okay. Let's roll.

 Scary Things I Know We Will Find In The Backs Of My Cabinets

1.   4,792 Tupperware containers. 4,792 Tupperware Lids. 16 of these will match.

2.   Fossilized mouse poop.

3.   Library books.

4.   Old toys.

5.   Cassette tapes.

6.   Dried-out markers and glue sticks.

7.   Expired medication.

8.   Dead ants.

Scary Things I'm Afraid We Will Find In The Backs Of My Cabinets

1.   16 Tupperware Containers that will have food in them from 16 months ago.

2.   Fossilized mice.

3.   Library books that were due in 1993.

4.   LaToya Jackson.

5.   8-Track tapes.

6.   Dried-out used tissues.

7.   Expired milk.

8.   Dead aunts.

Well, I hope that you will take pity on me when this thing finally airs. And remember, when you're watching and think to yourself, "Have you no shame, woman?!", that I warned you way in advance…

No. I don't.

{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Erin L. May 20, 2011 at 11:16 am

Don’t the farting pugs make a good substitute for a cat? =)

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Amanda May 20, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Reminds me of that great line delivered by John Cusack in “Bullets Over Broadway” as he bellowed into the streets of NYC from his window: “I’M A WHORE!!!! I’M-A-WHOOOOORE!!!”

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Diana Whittles May 20, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Thanks Shar. I cracked up out loud at the LaToya Jackson mention and am now in a heated discussion with the boys as to who exactly LaToya Jackson and if we need to call the cops on you for having a human in your cabinets.
Lion wants to know why her family doesn’t miss her.

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Renee May 20, 2011 at 1:11 pm

LaToya! That’s classic! And I totally understand the Tupperware! It’s not the sock monster in the dryer it’s the lid lifter in the cupboard.

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kathryn s. May 20, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Hilarious! I love it when I actually lol! Keep up the great work girl!

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Tracie May 20, 2011 at 9:08 pm

As long as you aren’t hiding Elvis back there, I think you are okay.

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Alexandra May 20, 2011 at 10:21 pm

You’re like me.
Praise God I’m not the only one on the planet.

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Jenners May 22, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Yup … sounds like the typical back of the cabinet thing. The more you write about this TV show, the more excited I’m getting!

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Lady Jennie May 23, 2011 at 1:46 pm

guffaw!

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Ameena May 25, 2011 at 9:30 am

Well I KNOW you won’t find LaToya because she’s my neighbor. As far as the cassettes go…we have our fair share. Imagine how old I felt when my 6-year-old asked me what they are?

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deborah l quinn June 6, 2011 at 7:45 pm

I both envy and pity (mostly envy) a new shiny kitchen re-do! The pity comes from having a very similar list about my own kitchen, which is being excavated–I mean, packed up–for moving. I’m thinking about spices. Are spices from the 20th century probably past their prime? And is it true (as I was told in high school) that smoking nutmeg can get you high? Because that might be JUST the thing to get me through this moving nonsense. If nothing else, my filthy kitchen will smell like pumpkin pie, right?

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dusty earth mother June 7, 2011 at 6:30 am

Oh Lord, Deborah, now Im terrified. Thursday is the day we pack up the kitchen and I have enough spices to make curry for a small country. I send my best packing vibes to you.

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