A Painful Girl Scout Cookie Confession

by Shari on March 20, 2011

I have a confession to make.

There are ninety crates of Girl Scout Cookies on my dining room table.



Crates, not boxes.

Crates have twelve boxes of cookies in them.

So I have 1,080 boxes of cookies on my table.

There are generally 20 cookies in a box.

So I have 21,600 Girl Scout Cookies on my dining room table.

But 21,600 Girl Scout Cookies on my table is not the confession.

Approximately 10.3 crates of those are The Pistol's orders that she took from friends, family and random Do-Si-Do-jonesing strangers on the street.

That's 130 boxes.

That's 2,600 cookies.

That's 2,600 cookies that I don't know who to give to because I lost her order form.

You read that right.

The Brownie Girl Scout Troop Leader lost her daughter's order form with 130 boxes worth of names, numbers and cookie amounts on it.

Now that I've made this shameful confession, I have a few options:

1. Hand random cookie boxes to people, tell them that's what they ordered, and force them to fork over the cash. (I do have some experience with this technique, as I once waitressed at ChiChi's. I could never remember what people ordered, so I would hand them one of the 19 different Taco-Enchilada-Flauta Combo platters and insist that's what they asked for when they strenuously objected.)

2. Pony up the $520 and eat the 2,600 cookies myself, a la the pastry-eating scene from Meredith Baxter Birney's 1986 made-for-TV movie "Kate's Secret".

3. Hope that the buyers are such Girl Scout Cookie fanatics that they remember exactly what they ordered, unlike myself who keeps calling Samoas, "Samosas" (a pastry shell filled with spiced potatoes and lentils) and Tagalongs, "Tagalogs" (the language of the Filipino people).

4. Leave the 130 boxes on my front stoop and enter the Witness Protection Program.

At this point, all I can say is, if any of my readers ordered Girl Scout Cookies from me,,,

Thin-Minta Culpa.

(3/22 UPDATE: I found the cookie order form. In my t-shirt drawer. Apparently, I put it on top of the clean laundry in the laundry basket, then put more clean laundry on top of it, then took the basket to my room and emptied it, like a good 1950's housewife, into the drawers. And I almost never wear t-shirts, so it probably would have stayed there forever, if not for my husband monopolizing my laptop. I was so aggravated by not being able to tweet that I decided to rearrange my drawers in silent protest. God bless that laptop-monopolizing man I married. He's a keeper.)



{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }

Diana March 20, 2011 at 5:51 pm

I’d be more than happy to take some of those wayward boxes off your hands if you can’t find their mommies and daddies…


dusty earth mother March 20, 2011 at 5:54 pm

I might just have to take you up on that, D.


Laura March 20, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Ha. That’s a dilema. I’ll pray for you. :)


Desiree March 20, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Oh, God, that’s the worst ever! :( I’ll say a little prayer for you, too…..


Sara March 20, 2011 at 6:39 pm

I was wondering what was up!! I think I can remember what I ordered!


dusty earth mother March 20, 2011 at 6:53 pm

Bless you for that steel-trap mind, Sara.


ZenaliciousMom March 20, 2011 at 9:18 pm

You know that was my worst nightmare so I actually made a copy of my order form before giving it to our leader.
I couldn’t handle the stress of 200 boxes of unclaimed cookies. LOL!
Lots of prayers coming your way!!!


Alexandra March 20, 2011 at 9:59 pm

HOW I wish I were with you now.
More than ever.
Bring them to BlogHer, and you’ve got yourself a roomate.


Lady Jennie March 21, 2011 at 3:47 am

Shari. This post was perfection. So even if you’re a complete nul (loser in french) at keeping track of orders, you are a complete winner at describing it.
And that’s all anyone cares about, right?
(Except for the people who are waiting for their order).


katbron March 21, 2011 at 8:01 am

Oh Shari – really – poor thing! Thanks for sharing. So glad we never move beyond being human! Hugs!


dusty earth mother March 21, 2011 at 8:06 am

Oh, Kathy. Im about as human as a person can get. Unfortunately :-)


Trickiewoo March 21, 2011 at 10:27 am

I’m coming over before someone else claims my lemon chalet creams and somoas!


dusty earth mother March 21, 2011 at 10:38 am

Good idea, TW.


OhBaby115 March 21, 2011 at 1:19 pm

There is an unmarked car sitting outside your house just in case you need protection. Please be advised that if there are Thin Mints involved, we will join the Mob.


OhBaby115 March 21, 2011 at 1:20 pm



Jenners March 21, 2011 at 4:42 pm

Zoinks! You’re not going to get that cookie badge this year. I’m available to help you out a bit though if you get in a real jam. I sure hope the order form shows up soon.


the mama bird diaries March 21, 2011 at 6:47 pm

I am crying with laughter over the ChiChi’s comparison. OMG, I am dying for you.


dahlila March 21, 2011 at 6:59 pm

LOL I am sorry, but this is priceless–& I do empthasise.
1) I’m betting most people remember their order. Or dare to tell them the truth, maybe they’ll buy more. At least they didn’t pay yet.
2) Somewhere that order is laying low & waiting. It’ll surely appear post cookie season.
If you can’t find a buyer I’ll take one box of thin mints. :-)
dahlila xo


The Flying Chalupa March 22, 2011 at 4:28 pm

I almost wish you hadn’t found it. I was dying to which option you would have chosen. #2, maybe? In honor of MBB? Love that woman and her made-for-tv-movies.


dusty earth mother March 22, 2011 at 5:08 pm

I know. I must say, it was a bittersweet moment. I was thrilled for my sanity, but sad for my comedy :-)


annie March 23, 2011 at 11:40 am

Oh thank goodness – you saved me from offering to buy 8 cases.


dusty earth mother March 23, 2011 at 11:42 am

Glad I could save you from that, Annie. Dont even ask how many Ive eaten so far. I feel gross.


Nina B March 23, 2011 at 2:28 pm

So glad you found the form! What a nightmare. I would have easily eaten a sleeve of thin-mints every hour in despair.


dusty earth mother March 23, 2011 at 2:38 pm

I did. Oops… did I just say that out loud?


Tracie March 23, 2011 at 5:36 pm

I don’t know if I should be happy for you that you found the form….or grieve the loss of my shameless plan to get you to send me all of the Thin Mints.


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