Are “Mean Girls” the product of “Mean Moms”?

by Shari on October 24, 2010

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I had coffee with a very cool mom the other day, the kind of mom that can say "Whatevs" and you suddenly feel like "yeah, totally" .

You know what I mean?

We got on the topic of my series on Mean Girlism and started chatting about the New York Times article from two weeks ago, which talked about how mean girls seem to be showing up in early grammar school these days. Are these pre-mean girls the product of mean moms?

She didn't say "yeah, totally" outright, but she did recount an episode of Mean Momism that she suffered through, which led to her "Whatevs" attitude. Her take on the whole situation was that maybe some moms feel insecure and sort of adrift and so revert to their high-school persona when they were popular and fit in. Interesting, huh?

Well, whatevs the issue may be, you know we are problem-solvers here at "Earth Mother just means I’m dusty" and so I have my Dusty solution for Mean Momism: Let’s Suck the “Mean” out of “Mean Moms”!

(Yes, I am qualified to talk about this, because I’ve done extensive research since my coffee with my friend last week and have obtained a degree in breeder psychology from the Learning Annex.)

Okay! Let's roll! Suck that “mean” out!

1.     The Momiform

The whole philosophy behind school uniforms? They're an equalizer. Takes away the pressure of having the "right" clothes. Perfect! We will issue all moms a “Momiform”, an attractive, mid-price uniform of cute black yoga pants, a fitted Tee (no slogans, please!) and a sassy hoodie. This will cut down on gossip, sideways glances and snide comments about others’ fashion sense, particularly those moms who wear pajama pants to school drop-off. (What can I say, they’re comfy).

2.     PartnerMS

We will divide all suburban towns into four quadrants for the four weeks in a month. All moms in Quadrant One will spend a day together at the mall, assuring that they will all be on the same menstrual cycle by nightfall. Then when it’s their PMS week, the moms in Quadrant Two will step in, taking care of Quadrant One Moms’ kids, cleaning and cooking, so that Quadrant One moms can take to their beds with chocolate, painkillers, and all their DVR-ed shows. Repeat for Quadrant Two with Quadrant Three moms and so on. This will cut down on the number of mean moms out on the street, being biatchy to the general public.

3.    Motox

This is still in the development phase, but in a Exhaustive Study by a Major University that is Not At All Made-Up in My Head, it was shown that 94.7% of mean moms are also Botox users. No brainer. We slip a little something extra into that botulism cocktail, a little something called Motox, which temporarily paralyzes the facial muscles if anything mean, gossipy, back-stabbing or snarky is about to be said. Maybe the sensation of being slack-jawed and drooly will help mean moms to rethink that evil toad that is about to pop from their mouths

4.     GroupOff

I’ve known some moms who were quite lovely one-on-one but turned into Mrs. Beelzebub in a group. Well, by employing some of "GroupOn"'s methods, we should be able to nip this in the bud. We put a group of moms together and offer a prize (spa treatments, lobster dinners, Mediterranean cruises, the Hope diamond) but the only way they can get it is if every single mom can say something nice about the others. If even one mom blows it. the whole group loses the prize. This does double duty: not only does it make the mean moms nervous, but it teaches the nice moms to be discerning in who they choose for their friends.

Voila!

Oh, sure, when it comes to sucking the mean out of mean moms, some may say that these methods are extreme, invasive, destroy individuality. They might even say it seems a bit like communism. But I have a different word for it.

Mommunism.

Okay. In all seriousness now, I have a plea for all moms, mean or not so much. Let's be an example for our daughters. Let's show them how women can support each other, champion each others' causes, and be true, geniune friends to each other. We are all we've got. And who knows?

Nice could be the new mean.

 

{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }

Ann's Rants October 24, 2010 at 5:18 pm

I am so glad I live in Liberal College Town, USA.
I haven’t met any mean moms…yet. And if so, they’d be wearing Dansko. How intimidating can you be in Danskos?

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dusty earth mother October 24, 2010 at 5:23 pm

Where do you live again, Ann? (where there are no mean moms?) Is it Madison? Maybe there should be a law that when you have a child, you must move to Madison.

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Diana October 24, 2010 at 6:45 pm

Am I just completely lucky that I have yet to run into a mean mom? Maybe they are all nice to my face and cruel behind my back but I’ve so far only met cool moms. Maybe it’s because I have boys?
Whatever it is, consider me a part of your campaign to stamp out mean mom-itis. Though I’m not on board with the fitted tee with no printing on it. Every tee I own is over sized and has a mouse, a band or something about David Hasselhoff on it. Can I get a pass on the uniform?

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dusty earth mother October 24, 2010 at 6:49 pm

Actually, I think I’m going to add that the fitted tee for the momiform should have David Hasselhoff on it, because wouldn’t we love to see huge groups of moms with Hass tee-shirts?

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Diana October 24, 2010 at 8:49 pm

That visual made me giggle and yes, I think the Hoff should be the official mascot of cool moms everywhere! This movement will be HUGE in Germany…

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Lady Jennie October 24, 2010 at 11:39 pm

This Is Brilliant. Gonna tweet this one.

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katbron October 25, 2010 at 5:44 am

So funny Dusty – but I do think you are on to something. It seems that some mothers forget that as they age, they are also supposed to grow up:) I tweeted this one – let’s start a movement – it might just be that most bullies are products of a mean mother!

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dusty earth mother October 25, 2010 at 6:15 am

Thanks, Kath. I actually think that just looking at your pug Katie would melt the hearts of most mean moms :-)

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Janna @ Mommy's Piggy TALES - Record YOUR Youth October 25, 2010 at 7:39 am

Clever, Enjoyable, Needed.
My fav was the Momiform. Go Yoga pants.

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dusty earth mother October 25, 2010 at 7:44 am

Thanks, Janna. Yoga pants look good on everyone, dont they? Except dads.

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Carrie October 25, 2010 at 8:02 am

Oh, Amen to women being good examples for their children, especially their daughters.
Can I add a plea? Due to time restraints, I’m going to proceed without getting authorization. hee hee
Can we push science a bit more on our daughters? It really is fun and girls are so much more suited for it than they realize. The mutitasking, attention to detail, excellent comprehension skills, all lend to us saving the world with cool inventions. Plus, there is the money. Ok, I’m done.

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dusty earth mother October 25, 2010 at 8:13 am

Im all about the science-push, Carrie. And you never need authorization, just speak yo mind, mama.

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Mrs.Mayhem October 25, 2010 at 11:34 am

Mommunism is an awesome idea! You rock!
Down with the mean mom!

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dusty earth mother October 25, 2010 at 1:22 pm

You and I can be the Pres and VP of Mommunism, Mrs. M.

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Jenners October 25, 2010 at 5:17 pm

I love your ideas … especially about the quadrants. And I am ready to follow Mommunism whereever it goes!

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dusty earth mother October 25, 2010 at 5:24 pm

We can be mommunists together, Jenners.

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Alexandra October 25, 2010 at 10:55 pm

Ann’sRants is telling the truth. There are only cool moms in Madison.
I live in a small UNCOOL town a bit of a ways away from her, where they don’t like different from them.
Yup. I had to turn to the internet to make friends.
Mean moms? Come on, do you really feel good about yourselves being so mean rather than welcoming, to a new person? Really?
Thanks for taking the words out of my mouth, Dusty. Thank you.

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dusty earth mother October 26, 2010 at 4:47 am

Is there any place in the world where someone wouldnt like you, Empress?? I wouldnt even want to visit such a terrible town. Because you are the best.

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Agent99 October 26, 2010 at 12:56 pm

Wait, you CaN’T wear pajamas to drop off your kid @ elementary school? Oh, crap. Where do I get that Momiform?
If there are Mean Moms in my town, I am too clueless to have noticed….but I have observed exactly ONE incident of unacceptable “mean girl” behavior. Divisive tactics at my daughter’s 9 yr old sleepover. Nipped that in the bud, discussed with daughter. Not tolerated. at all.

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dusty earth mother October 26, 2010 at 2:41 pm

Good for you, Agent99, nip that mean girlism in the bud!

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dusty earth mother October 26, 2010 at 2:42 pm

And oh my Lord, I just checked out your site and you must submit a pic to Pug o The Day!!!!

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parenting ad absurdum October 27, 2010 at 3:00 am

This topic has so been on my mind lately!! Not just mean girls, but mean kiddos in general…as parents we have the chance, one kid at a time, to change the world – let’s get it done!

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dusty earth mother October 27, 2010 at 6:32 am

ill do it on the east coast and you do it on the west!

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Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip October 27, 2010 at 11:17 am

Genius!! You had me laughing and snorting all the way through, but it was also so serious. I love this. Because I do know some mean moms and I completely agree. I think it comes from insecurity. I’m down with all your plans, most esp. the Momiform because in case you didn’t already know I almost never leave the house in anything but 3 day old yoga pants. Just sayin.

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dusty earth mother October 27, 2010 at 12:19 pm

3 days, Naomi??? Is that it? Thats clean for me :-)

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Ameena October 27, 2010 at 2:16 pm

I love this post DEM!! I have experienced the mean moms already, and it’s only October! I’m scared to death of motoxed crowd and I second your plea to set a good example for our kids.
Brilliant post…seriously.

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dusty earth mother October 27, 2010 at 7:17 pm

Thank you, sweet Ameena. We should make a pact never to get anything with –tox at the end.

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Chrissy November 24, 2010 at 7:09 am

UMMMMM…yup! This is AWESOME! Well done and so true…my problem is that I call them out and tell them to cut the crap….as such my 5th Grader tells other girls “Everyone should be able to play…leaving others out is MEAN”..HAHAHA!!!!

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