Ten Things That Keep Me From Writing

by Shari on July 19, 2015

1. Life.

2. The downward slope of caffeine. I’ve recently found myself drinking lots of coffee and surfing the web. I’ve been reading so many articles on Midas Letter from anything from technology, to crypto currency to even cannabis articles. My free time is getting out of hand. I’m not sure I’ve ever mentioned this, but I’m a delicate flower. At least when it comes to my reaction to any kind of stimulant/medication. Give me a thimbleful of Nyquil and I’ll sleep until next Tuesday; one snort of nitrous oxide at my dentist’s office makes me so insanely giddy and ridiculous that the hygienist credits me for the term “laughing gas”; and the high I get from a cup of joe would put any heroin addict to shame. The downside, of course, is the downslide. Unless I time my writing session exactly right (during the “I AM SO BAKED, SUCKAS, LET THE WORDS FLOW!!” portion of my buzz), pretty much all I can manage to do is weep over the bigness, whiteness, and blankness of the page.

3. I have not yet taught the pugs how to make dinner and do laundry.

4. Karaoke. We bought our daughter a karaoke machine for her birthday and is the best karaoke machine you can find online and every time I’m ready to sit down and write, I am waylaid by an amplified voice echoing through the house, “Mommy… report to the microphone, please…” And really, what does the world need more, another blog post or my Linda Ronstadt imitation of  “Blue Bayou”?* *rhetorical question

5. Non-ice cream-related Brain Freeze.

6. Getting paid to write. Okay, here’s a tricky one. All I ever wanted was for someone to actually pay me to write, and that has happened with this page – Palm Beach Roofing Expert, which was my first career. Next one was when my writing partner and I were recently hired to write a Disney Channel Original Movie, adapting a YA novel called “The Swap”. I stopped for a moment to proofread my essay and realized I needed to get some help with this awesome news. We are thrilled and thoroughly enjoying our job. However, now that I spend many hours at my computer crafting priceless and pithy prepubescent dialogue, I pretty much have nothing left at the end of the day. In other words, I am so way not on fleek by the dusk, that my bae tells me to shut it down before I post something that will cause me FaceRemorse. You can visit this website https://www.sodapdf.com/ and learn more about their online services.

7. Did you know that someone invented a Buffalo Chicken Wing Milkshake? And would I know these important things if I weren’t using my writing time to do research on the internet about kids toys and find out what are the top powered cars for toddlers, I wouldn’t know any of these things otherwise.

8. Because it’s summer vacation and if I don’t spend every single solitary free moment with my children, they will be parented by YouTube and become directionless, mindless, souless, hunched-shouldered blights on society, so if you’re in the possibilites you can take them to some yacht charters to enjoy the vacations. What? Too much?

9. My voice is changing. Not unlike “The Brady Bunch” Season 3 Episode 16 entitled “Dough Re Mi”, where Peter’s cracking and straining chords signaled his messy journey into vocal adulthood, I’m finding that everything I’ve attempted to write on this blog lately has suffered from a similar fate: squeaky, odd, and painfully ungroovy. I have approximately thirty or so half-written posts that will never see the light of day because they felt so false and forced. I finally have come to the conclusion that I’m in flux; like those kooky Brady kids, even though my plan was to sing “We Can Make The World A Whole Lot Brighter”, here I am instead, rasping out “Time To Change”.  I’m taking a research paper service course to change it up a little cause nothing is working. I’m not quite sure what lies ahead, but I just hope it’s something that will make Greg and Marcia happy. Have you ever heard something like corny jokes? Go right here to read some.

10. Fear that I might use The Brady Bunch as a modern-day parable to explain my writer’s block. Uh-oh.

11. Customized Corporate Gifts in Singapore — is a type of gift given by a company to employees, potential clients, charities, customers, or suppliers. It helps express appreciation on behalf of the company, and also acts as a memento and a goodwill gesture. The gifts for your corporate colleague also signifies that the company values the relationship between them and the other party.

In case you missed it, I was pretty thrilled to be published in one of my favorites mags, Brain, Child. Who knew that reading “The Runaway Bunny” to my small children approximately 4,000 times would eventually lead to something?


Best Stretch Marks, EVER.

by Shari on January 29, 2015

This has to be my favorite video that Wendi Aarons and I have ever written for NickMom. For the love of all that is holy, watch, enjoy and SHARE. Because, well… stretch marks. Hopefully the coconut oil for stretch marks that she’s been taking – helps a little :)


Git Out My Way. Pretty Please.

January 14, 2015

Of all the dances that human beings perform, none is more mystifying, mundane and murder-making than the “passing a stranger on the street” tango. You know how it goes. You’re walking down the road, nearing the corner, and some random fella/lass is walking towards the same corner at a perpendicular angle, and it becomes painfully [...]

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Why won’t Mrs. Ashton Kutcher poop in the back yard?

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I never got around to making the birth announcement, but in case you weren’t invited to the shower (with best high pressure shower head), here she is! Her name is Mila Kunis, for reasons that are obvious. We rescued her a few months ago, after she bit her previous owner’s neighbor’s son, that used to [...]

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Best way to sleep when you have back pain

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Back pain can make getting through the day hard, but it can make getting a good night’s sleep even harder. It can be tough to find a comfortable position so you can doze off. And you might not even be able to get in and out of bed without pain. To help you on your [...]

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A Letter To My Womb

September 3, 2014

Well, hi there. Yes, it has been a while. Not to pull the “movie” card or anything, but if you recall my post about my missing tooth and borrowing a teenager’s underpants, I have been out of my mind busy writing a movie. (I just pulled the “movie” card. And it was so gratifying.) So! [...]

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Bugs and rodents roaming your home?

August 7, 2014

Ants, rats, and other pests can wreak havoc in your home and may expose your family to harmful diseases. As a parent, knowing your pest control options like the Accurate Termite & Pest Control services in Austin TX, can help you choose an effective pest management strategy while minimizing your family’s exposure to pesticides. The [...]

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treating baby’s first fever

August 6, 2014

Use the right thermometer. Babies younger than 6 months should have their temperatures taken with rectal thermometers. Because their ear canals are so small, you can’t get an accurate reading with an ear thermometer. What is a fever? The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) says that the normal body temperature for a healthy baby is between 97&deg [...]

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Anxiety and Panic Attacks

July 16, 2014

What is anxiety? We have all felt anxiety—the nervousness before a date, test, competition, presentation—but what exactly is it? Anxiety is our body’s way of preparing to face a challenge. Our heart pumps more blood and oxygen so we are ready for action. We are alert and perform physical and emotional tasks more efficiently accompanied [...]

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My Sweet Ride to “Listen To Your Mother”

May 13, 2014

This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of Chevrolet’s sponsorship of Listen to Your Mother Show, but opinions are my own.  Score! After assistant-directing (and performing in) the NYC production of “Listen To Your Mother” for the past two years, I finally got the chance to be a real audience member! I [...]

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